Happy Better New Year!

We are approaching the time of year where we feel compelled to make resolutions. Some of us will make them and stick to them. Most of us will make them and fail miserably.

That got me thinking….

What if we just make a resolution but just make is simple?

This year I resolve to be better.

To be a better wife

To be a better mom

To be a better friend

To be better about going to church

To be a better employee

To be better in my food choices

To be better about shaving my legs

I don’t care what you need to be better at…just make it to be better

Seems to me this is a resolution that we all can make and stick to. Because everyone can be better.

Here’s to a better year!

Happy New Year!

A Simple Post to Say Thank You

It takes a special person to serve in the military.

You work 24 hours a day.

Sleep is considered a luxury.

Family is considered an annoyance.

The food is terrible.

So, why would someone VOLUNTEER to serve?

For some, it is a way out of a bad home life. For others, it is a way to learn a trade or go to school. For some, it is their last shot at getting their act together.

Whatever the reasons are, the person sacrifices to be in the military.

Here we are knee deep in making holiday plans; planning menus, making travel arrangements and buying presents. But, unfortunately, these men and women won’t get to participate. They are too far away to stop by for gifts and dinner. Their kids won’t jump on their bed Christmas morning asking to get up to see if Santa came. The best that some of these people will receive t is a MRE (meals ready to eat) and bullets to load into their gun to fight the never ending war. Some will have to stand duty on the quarterdeck of their ship in the middle of an ocean so far from land that they can’t remember what it is like to walk on solid ground. Some won’t get to make phone calls home to hear about the festivities and to say I love You.

So, while this is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, it really isn’t for our men and women in the military.

Scott and I have taught Courtney that whenever she sees someone in uniform, she is to stop and thank them for serving our country. It doesn’t seem like such a wonderful thing to do, but you should see how these men and women respond to her. They stop and look her in the eye and smile at her like she is the only person that has ever thanked them. You can tell how much they appreciate it.

Do me a favor, and pray for our military men and women this Christmas Season.

And if you see one in uniform, just say a simple thank you!

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Courtney is blessed to have great-grandparents on both sides of her family.

When she was born, and she met Scott’s grandparents for the first time, Grandpa would sing to her. They were songs I didn’t know and he wouldn’t sing all of the song, just little snippets. The songs would change depending on what time of year he would see her. But – he mostly saw her in the winter time when it was cold outside.

Oh, baby, you’ll freeze out there
It’s up to your knees out there

When she was a baby she would just look at him, but as she got older, she would smile and he would sing it again.

I had no idea what he was singing but LOVED that he sang to her and that she enjoyed it.

Then, about 6 years ago, we were all at Scott’s parents for Christmas and rented the movie Elf with Will Ferrell. Courtney was 8 years old. It got to the part of the movie where the song Baby, It’s Cold Outside was sung. I was sitting next to Grandpa, and I turned to him and said “HEY! That’s that song that you sing to Courtney.” He looked at me like I was a little nuts.

I went out and bought the sound track to that movie just to hear that song.

And every Christmas I get it out and listen to that song over and over.

It is now one of my favorites.

All because Grandpa sang a snippet of it to my daughter long ago.

There’s bound to be talk tomorrow
Think of my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied
If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can’t stay
Get over that hold out
Ahh, but it’s cold outside.

Jingle Bell Rock

This Thanksgiving weekend, during our whirlwind travels, we stopped to eat at a Cracker Barrel in Florida.

For those of you reading this that don’t know what this place is, it is a restaurant that serves southern cooking and they also have a store that sells everything from toys to candies to dinnerware and clothes. This place is ALWAYS busy. Always. You can get breakfast anytime you wish and the food isn’t too bad.

While we were waiting for our table to open up, I popped in to use the restroom. (Too much information, I know, but stick with me because it plays an important part in this here story.) As usual, there was a line to us one of the three whopping toilets they had. In front of me is a grandmother and her grandson. He insisted on using his own stall. No big deal. He is a big boy and can handle things just fine, thank you very much.

The store, even though it is only the day after Thanksgiving, is already pumping Christmas music throughout the place. Even the restroom.

Finally it is my turn.

*Note* I don’t know if I can do the rest of this story the justice it deserves, but I am sure gonna try.

As I am taking care of business, the song Jingle Bell Rock comes on over the speakers. This is a song, I have found, that you either love or hate. There really isn’t too much middle ground. I can take it once or twice during the holidays, but after that, I am done.

Apparently, this little boy LOVES this song, as he sat on his potty and sang the whole thing at the top of his lungs, all the while swinging his feet and hitting the toilet. He would take deep loud breaths between each verse and was just belting it out.

His grandma was on the other side of the stall asking him if he was almost done because his Papa was ready to go.

The child didn’t answer.

He just sat there and sang that song from beginning to end.

What a bright time
It's the right time
To rock the night away

As I am washing my hands, the grandmother is apologizing to the line of ladies waiting to do what it is you do when you are in a restroom.

And I just grinned to myself.

Sometimes, even the most mundane tasks, like going potty, would be a lot more fun if we would just sing while we were doing them!

Home

Home

It means different things to different people.

I have had a home in California, Key West and am on my 3rd home on Georgia.

But my home is in California.

My parents bought this house when I was 2 years old and still live there. The back bedroom, where they keep their computer now, is my room.

When I get the chance to go home, which is not very often, I walk in and slip right into comfort.

Home

The sound the Furnas makes when the pilot lights and you know in a few seconds the heater is going to come on.

Home

How when water is run in my parents bathroom, you can hear the pipes “pop” in the living room.

Home

How when you are sleeping you are still aware that my dad is up because of the sound of the newspaper pages being turned because he reads the paper every single day first thing. You can count on that just like you can count on the sun coming up every day.

Home

How if you need change for something, look in my dad’s shoe that is on the hearth. I used to wonder when I was little if he ever accidentally left a coin in his shoe and then walked around on it all day.

Home

Where Christmas Eve’s were spent with family after the church service and then on Christmas morning presents were opened and we all went to my aunt’s house for brunch.

Last night we were having very bad winds and I was awakened early. As I lay in bed, I heard my own familiar things…

The clunk of the ice maker.

The wind chime on the front porch.

The stomp of my daughter’s feet upstairs as she gets up to get ready for school.

The patter of dog paws coming down the stairs as Oliver goes from Court’s bed to ours once she gets up.

And I realized, just this morning, that I have my own home, with my own sounds and memories.

And I know that it sounds stupid, but I laid there this morning and smiled to myself in the dark listening to the wind and my husband snore and was just happy to be home!

A Thanksgiving Recap

For my family, Thanksgiving is the holiday that we travel to see everyone. We do a whirlwind trip that covers two states and a bunch of family.

This year was no different, but SO different than years past.

We usually leave on Thursday morning to go to Scott's parents house in South Georgia, but this year we left on Wednesday night. We were expecting TONS of traffic, but there was none.

This was our first Thanksgiving with Lucy, so we took her and introuduced her to Scott's family dogs. I was nervous, but she did great! She is an awesome car traveler, unlike Oliver.

Thursday morning, I got up early and walked a 5K for Toys for Tots. It was not my best time, but not my worst either. Right smack in the middle.

Scott's mom cooked an awesome dinner that night, and I was pretty impressed with how well I controlled my eating! No mashed potatoes or sweet potato casserole for me, but I did splurge and have some delicious dressing!! Judy made me a lemon pie from Weight Watchers that was REALLY good.

We all got up early Friday morning and drove to Tampa. This is the first year that Scott's parents have come with us. This is also the first year we went to Scott's grandparents house to visit. While we were there, Scott's Uncle Jimmy and his sons Ryan and Michael came. It was so nice to see all of them!

We left there and went to Scott's cousin, Trisha's house. This year her husband Alex was not there, he was traveling to see the Gators get BEAT DOWN by Florida State. But both of her kids, Lacia and Tyler were there, along with Scott's cousin, Richard, his partner, Stacia, their two boys, Logan and Rizon and Scott's Aunt Faye. We ate some very yummy left overs and played my new favorite game, Catch Phrase. Scott and I really had a good time!

We made the 4 hour drive home only to find that the person that was supposed to let out all 5 dogs a couple of times while we were gone did not do so. Imagine what we walked into at 1:00am....thank goodness my in-laws have tile flooring. 5 dogs inside for 17 hours..well, use your imagination.

Saturday, Judy and I went to the movies and saw Love and Other Drugs. Okay movie, not my favorite, but had great company. Scott, his dad, his brother and Courtney all stayed behind and shot their guns. I believe a microwave was the victim this year.

We ate a very yummy dinner of turkey sandwhiches and headed home. I drove and we listened to the Georgia/Georgia Tech game and to Courtney snoring in the back seat.

It was great to see everyone, even if only for a couple of hours.

I truly have very much to be thankful for.

Sarcophagus

Growing up, when we took family vacations, my mom always tried to make them educational for us.

We would have a word of the day or something that we had to remember and she would test us all throughout the vacation and even after we got home.

When we took a trip to Hearst Castle, the word for the day was Sarcophagus. I think I was in like 4th or 5th grade. To this day, when I hear, or use that word, I go right back to that vacation.

She didn’t stop with just Jeff and I. When we all vacationed in Washington D.C. a couple of years ago, she had words of the day for us then too. I think it kind of drove Courtney nuts being tested at the end of the day, but she survived.

Last night Courtney was telling me that the learned about Pompeii, Italy. She was telling us about the volcano Vesuvius and how people, and even dogs, died. Scott told her how her uncle Ricky has been there while he was in the navy and even has pictures. After she was telling us all about this, I asked her what year that happened in. She said she couldn’t remember. I told her that when she comes home from school today, she needed to tell me when it happened.

She looked at me and said she would just go upstairs and look it up right now, because she doesn’t know how busy she is going to be today. Either way, I got my answer and she looked it up.

Then I started thinking about my mom and the things she did. Everything was a lesson. And while I hated it then, she did make memories and I did learn things that have stayed with me for forever.

I laughed to myself. Scott looked at me wondering what I was laughing about. I just shook my head.

Sometimes, you just have to be in my head for a few minutes for things to make sense. But there are words of the day in there, floating around, just waiting to be used.

Memories

When I was little, we lived 20 minutes from my mom's parents and 4 hours from my dad's mom.

When I was in 3rd grade, my dad's moms, Grams, died.

She was the coolest grandma ever.

We used to tell each other what we got each other for Christmas. She liked the hand made slippers that my mom would get her from the church bizarre. She got me my first camera. It was a Kodak with flash bulbs.

She ALWAYS made chocolate chip cookies when we came to town. And a hot breakfast. ALWAYS a hot breakfast.

I remember I asked her one time, while we were playing kings on the corner, what if you fall down or something and need someone and you are all alone. She told me that she had friends that checked on her all the time and for me not to worry.

I still worried.

She always wore, and always smelled of Jergen's Lotion. I keep a bottle of that in my bathroom at all time so I can still smell her.

I cried hard when she died. She was the first dead person that I ever saw. It scared the crap out of the 3rd grade me.

I still miss her.

I have NO pictures of her for my own.

When I was in 5th grade, my mom's dad, Grandaddy, died. He was sick for a long time.

He was the best granddad a kid could ask for.

He ALWAYS had lifesavers in his pocket and Coke in the bottle in his fridge. He let me have my own bottle too. I didn't have to share it with Jeff. THAT was so cool.

I cried hard when he died. My 5th grade self couldn't understand why medicine couldn't make him better.

I still miss him.

My family has posted pictures from long ago of him on Facebook and I keep a picture of him up in my office at work. He was handsome as could be.

My mom's mom, Nana, is still alive.

She is 92.

She was the best Nana in the world. She would sit next to me in church and give me gum. She would by us Christmas gifts early, put them under her bed and forget about them, and then buy us all new stuff for Christmas.

Dementia has stolen some of her memories.

She can't remember me when I visit because she doesn't see me on a regular basis.

She can't remember that I have a daughter that is named after her husband. She would be thrilled about that if she could remember.

Last year at this time, she was really sick and everyone was preparing to say goodbye. But she rallied and seems to be doing fine in her body. Her mind isn't, but her body is.

My 41 year old self doesn't want to understand dementia, but I do.

It is an evil robber who takes everything good from your memory.

Like grandkids and great grandkids.

Thank God I remember her and Grandaddy and Grams.

Thank God for memories.

Angry All The Time

The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love
And I understand that lovin a man shouldn't have to be this rough
You aint the only one who feels like this world left you far behind
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time.

We have, and use, a DVR all the time in this house, as my husband and I cannot always agree on what to watch. So, sometime during the weekend I catch up on the shows recorded during the week.

Today was one of the catch up days.

I watch a show called Parenthood. The reason I started watching the show was because one of the characters has Asperger's Syndrome. I cried all through the first episode because it was when the parents were told what their child had. I continued watching the show for other reasons, though. As the show progressed, they show how the autism family is able to have a therapist come to the house to work with their child, which put me off a little bit, as Mrs. & Mrs Joe Average can NO WAY afford that. Autism is BARLEY, if at all, covered by insurance, so you have to pay a lot out of pocket - especially with kids with Asperger's as it is so high functioning. But that is the direction the show has taken and I just take it with a grain of salt.

This episode that I just watched killed me. I mean killed me. The dad took his son to the grocery store, and the son noticed, because these kids notice things like this, that the person in the express lane in front of them had 17 items and not 10. As the dad is explaining to his son that it is okay and trying to re-direct, the person with too many items told him that he needed to train his kid better and not to be a retard.

The dad punched him square on the face, which is not like this character at all.

The next day, when he was questioned why he lost it at the store, his eyes filled with tears and he said, very simply, I am angry.

He explained that he was angry about work, and about family but mostly about his child having Asperger's and not being able to do a thing about it.

I can't speak for Scott, but I sure know how that feels.

I remember one time Court and I were at the grocery store. To this day, she hates grocery shopping. Now, she is old enough to stay home, but this time she was way too young. I don't think she even had a diagnosis yet and we were doing, like all parents, the best we could do at the time. Courtney refused to walk with me to the next isle. So I left her there and then checked on her every minute to make sure she hadn't moved, all the while throwing stuff in my cart to get done. She wasn't hurting anything. She was standing in one spot because she was DONE shopping. As I was coming back to check on her an older man told me that I should just spank her and make her come with me.

Really? Did I ask him for his advice? Anyone who knows me knows the look on my face told him to go jump off a cliff, but I just said thank you and told her we were done and she came with me to the check out line.

I understand about being angry.

Here we are with a high schooler now, and everyone told us it would be easier as she got older. But they are wrong. She has a group of kids at school spreading rumors about her and her preferences in a mate. She has a boy who sits behind her in class and whispers, so that the teacher can't hear, how no one likes her. She doesn't know how to process all of this and reacts the only way she knows how, making her look even more odd than what we consider normal for her.

I understand about being angry.

Marriages with these types of children end in divorce more often than not. Scott and I can barley schedule time with each other. And if we do get to go out, we get a phone call every 10 minutes because she is bored or nervous or whatever else, and we can't enjoy our time together, which we really need.

I understand about being angry.

Family can not be so understanding and I see how, when Court walks into a room at a family gathering, people roll their eyes. The thing is, Courtney sees it too and she understands. Which makes her act out. Which makes everyone tense. Which makes for a lovely time for all involved.

I understand about being angry.

But I also understand about finding the joy in everyday things.

The EXCELLENT grades she gets

How absolutely beautiful she is

How she can forgive the meanest person who has done the most awful thing to her

How she has an awesome sense of humor

How she is accepting for all people, red and yellow, black and white

She is a good kid who tells me she loves me every day.

Who could be angry about that?

An Early Thanksgiving Post

So we are approaching the time of year where talk about what we are thankful for.

I am thankful for a lot of obvious things –

My husband

My daughter

My house

My job

My health

But lately I have been watching. I have been watching the life that goes on all around me. I mean really watching. So I have made a list of things I am thankful for that I hope you will make you think what you are thankful for –

I am thankful that my house didn’t burn down last summer and that my family of five wasn’t totally uprooted and that I don’t have to deal with the insurance company who hasn’t even started re-building the house.

I am thankful that my child is healthy and didn’t die because of some disease like cancer and that I don’t have to plan a celebration of life, which is really a funeral.

I am thankful that my husband didn’t leave me and my kid and that I don’t have to ask complete strangers for gas/food money because there are no other options.

I am thankful that I didn’t open the door last night to find a man in uniform standing there to tell me that my child was killed in the line of duty.

I am thankful that my parents remember who I am when I call or see them and that Alzheimer’s hasn’t stolen their memories, both good and bad.

I am thankful that my dad doesn’t make me, because of my religion, wear long sleeves and have my head covered to the neighborhood pool while all the other kids, including my brother, are in normal bathing suits.

I am thankful that my parents taught me that it was wrong to be mean to someone just because of their sexual preference and I am even more thankful that I am not a parent of a child who has killed themselves because of bullying.

These are just some of the things that make me thankful this year.

What are you thankful for?

Blue Pumpkins???

You know how it is funny, not funny like ha ha, but funny like...I don't know...funny how if you are in a situation you can spot others in that situation from a mile away?

This was the first year that Courtney did not dress up and go trick or treating. (Not that she was ever really into doing it. She would go to a couple of houses, be happy with what she got and want to go home. We used to force her to go farther.) So we all sat on the front porch and she handed out the candy and Scott and I looked at the kids costumes.

Scott carved two pumpkins this year. One of the pumpkins was a white pumpkin.

Up on the porch comes a boy who was about 12 or 13. He says to me, without looking me in the eye and while holding his bag out to Courtney for his treat, "where did you get a white pumpkin?" He was talking loud for where we were sitting and he was very interested in my answer. I went to tell him where we got it but before I could finish he was talking about how he always wanted to get a blue pumpkin. He wanted to know if I knew about blue pumpkins and went on to tell me about them. Kids are coming and going off of the porch all around him, as he hasn't moved away from holding his bag out to Courtney.

Finally his parents got him focused back to what he was doing. They smiled at me nervously, and I grinned real big and waived - because I knew.

That sweet boy had Asperger's Syndrome, the same type of Autism that my daughter has.

When his parents walked away, I turned to Scott and he looked at me and at the same time we just laughed and said "Aspergers".

And we know as they were walking away, they were telling their son to just go up and get your candy and come back down to go to the next house.

And we know the minute he got on the next persons porch, he forgot what his parents had told him.

I looked over at Courtney, happy to be giving candy to little kids, pointing out the obvious to us like we are not there, and I hope that boy finds a blue pumpkin next year.

And I hope that someone takes the time to listen to him talk all about it over and over again.

God Is Here!

We have entered into my favorite time of the year…

Fall.

When Scott and I were first dating, I think we were both surprised to find out that each other’s favorite season is fall.

He likes the breeze and cool, but not cold, temperatures.

I like the colors.

This is also why I LOVE living in Georgia.

The colors are breathtaking. The golds, the reds, the oranges…words on paper cannot give them the justice they deserve.

Fall is when I open then windows and let God in. He has me wrapped in warmth. He brings the outside alive. As I drive to work he takes the time to say – Look what I did for you! I brought you cooler weather, I gave you a sunrise that just dances off of the colors on the trees and I gave you a spouse who loves it as much as you so you can enjoy it together.

Our nightly dog walking has turned into a brisk walk with my arm linked through his so I can steal some of his warmth, walking in rhythm and just being happy to be out and together.

Fall

I am so glad you are here….

Parenting is Not For Sissys!

Parenting is hard.

I don’t care if you have the best kid in the entire world; the job is hard and doesn’t come with an instruction manual. 9 times out of 10 I am guessing as to what to do. I have taken advice from my mom, mother in law, co-workers, doctors and, once, even considered asking a stranger on the street.

My kid is a drama queen with a capital DRAMA QUEEN. Everything is either the best thing ever or the end of the world. There is no in between for her. Nope. It is cloud 9 or death.

So when she told me that she couldn’t see, I didn’t really believe her. She passed her eye tests at school, so why should I think she was as blind as she wanted me to believe? She claimed she couldn’t see the clock in the kitchen and she never knew the time. I thought she was too lazy to turn her head and look. She told me that she couldn’t see the board in her last period of the day. I thought that was because she hated that class and wanted to come home early.

Finally she started complaining of headaches almost every day. I told Scott that I was going to take her to the doctor because I suffer from migraines and thought she was also. He told me to take her to get her eyes checked first. I argued with him because she just passed her eye test at school last year. He said for me to pay the $10.00 co-pay and that way we can tell her we have had her tested and she is not blind.

So Saturday we went to the eye doctor.

I was pretty sure she was going to sit down in the chair and be just fine. The doctor started with her right eye. She could BARELY read the 3rd line down. Even through that entire eye exam, I thought she was faking. Then they tested her left eye and just zipped right through it.

The doctor gets done and looks at me.

Me: Bad right eye?

Dr: Oh Yeah. That is what is causing the headaches. The left eye has to compensate for everything and by the end of the day she should be having trouble seeing much of anything.

Court: See Mom! I told you!

So – Mother of the Year, I am not. But Mother Doing the Best She Can, I am.

I’ll take that award and will wear it with pride. Just like my mom did.

Wake Up Call

So as most of you know, Courtney is Autistic. She is a high functioning autistic and does pretty well. Because she is who she is, I have joined a lot of groups and list serves that deal with issues that arise with these types of children.

I had thought I read everything but today took the cake. A mom actually posted that when her child was diagnosed she never read the report from the doctor. She listened to what he said, but never read the detailed report. Today she read it and was SURPRISED to find out that it was not all gloom and doom.

Surprised.

I guess what has me all up in arms is that she took what the doctor said and buried her head in the sand. If I knew this person I would drive over to her house and take her by the shoulders and shake some sense into the woman. He is her child. That alone should make her read every doctor’s report, ask every question and then re-ask them until she understands.

I have been there where the room is spinning and you think this isn’t what I signed up for when I decided to have a kid. But Scott and decided long ago it was our job to push the envelope.

My mom told me once that if I have high expectations for Courtney, she will meet them, but also if I have low expectations, she will meet those too. I think that applies to all parents of all kids everywhere.

My sister in law once told me we are our child’s biggest cheerleaders and only defenders. That is probably the most honest thing that has ever been said to me.

So for those of you who can’t get out of bed today – I understand. However, there is a kid on the other side of that door who needs to you to get up and greet the day with a smile (even a forced one) and tell the world this is my kid and they deserve to have a good day.

Pretty soon, that smile won’t be forced.

Look At Those Pukes!

When I was growing up the punk rock scene was really big. It was not uncommon for me to go to school with kids who had colored Mohawks. One guy always changed the color of his hair to match the holiday we were in. So you knew at Christmas, his Mohawk would be green and red.

I had a friend, Jennifer Johnson, visiting me. We were on the way to church. My dad was driving. We were stopped at a light and crossing the street in front of us were some of the above mentioned type of people. My dad says, out loud for everyone in the car to hear, “look at those pukes.” J.J. turns to me and asks what a “puke” is. I had to explain that it was anyone that my dad felt was not “normal”. I was used to his comments, but my friends were not.

I remember thinking that he was just so old and didn’t “get it” and I was never going to be like him.

I am now 41.

I was at the pool last night because they were having a teen BBQ and DJ party and Courtney wanted to go. First of all, some of these kids should be locked up. I know that it is still kind of in fashion for guys to wear baggy jeans that fall down below their waist, way down, but I didn’t realize that they wear their bathing suits the same way. And what’s up with these girls wear see through bathing suits? Really? See through? And did the music HAVE to be so loud? I was trying to talk to my friend, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying back. (Actually I could care less about the music, it was really good and I like music.)

And to make matters worse, Scott and I actually schedule our time at the pool when we know there are going to be as little people there as possible because, you know, WE ARE TURNING INTO OUR PARENTS.

I think I might take Courtney to get a Mohawk or a piercing.

Who am I kidding? I don’t want MY kid looking like a “puke”!

Pick A Winner

So I am driving to work today and behind me is a very good looking blonde in a BMW.
The windows are not tinted, so anyone can see in any of her windows and get a clear view of what she is doing.

Anyone.

Now, I had looked, really glanced, just to see what was going on behind me, because I was going to need to punch it right out of the gate to get over so I could make my turn ahead. If you have ever driven with me, you know that I consider my ride to work a contest and the more time I can take off of yesterday’s drive to work, the better my ride in is.

But I digress…

So I glance in my review and see Blondie digging for gold in her nose. This was not a scratch. It was not a quick inspection, it was a full on up to the knuckle dig.

All the while she is inspecting what she is doing in her mirror.

It was like a train wreck. I couldn’t not watch!

Then, after she finishes her expedition, she runs those fingers through her hair and straightens her bangs. All without so much as a wipe off on her clothes first.

Are you kidding me?

Grossness.

Clearly she needs to tint her windows.

And just so you know, the light changed, I was not first through the intersection and I missed my turn, causing me to have to take the long way to work.

Which didn’t do anything for my stats today.

Put A Fork In It...It's Done

When your faith is stretched so thin
that you can see straight through your soul-
-Sugarland

Faith is defined on the web as: A strong belief in a supernatural power or powers that control human destiny; an institution to express belief to a divine power.

For the last 14 years I have had faith that my child would, not be healed, but would progress significantly. I thought by the time that she entered high school, friends would be made and life would be less hurtful and hard for her.

Prayer is defined on the web as: The act of communication with a deity.

For the last 14 years I have prayed that I would know what to do when it comes to parenting her; that I would know what decisions to make when it comes to her schooling and when it comes to her autism treatments.

Lately, I have had so much trouble with these two words and EVERYTHING that goes with them.

I can tell you this…14 years into it, I fell no more confident than I did when they told us she had autism.

But my faith has been shaken a lot over the last year. The loss of a couple friends – one to anger and one to selfishness, watching people’s marriages dissolve like it wasn’t worth the time or effort to save and a myriad of other things that are little but add up.

And I am sure that many of you will want to quote scriptures to me that prove that prayer works, and that things happening are God’s will and not mine. I get that, I really do.

And I get that nothing is ever easy and I believe that when I tell Courtney that anything worth doing is not going to be easy I am telling her the truth.

But the people who tell me to just pray and have faith and that all will be better need to understand that I have done all of that.

I have done all of that – so what else do ya got? Because, really, right now I am open to anything…aliens, cults, drugs…so what else do ya got?

And no, I am not going to do any of those things. But right now, this minute, I am done with everything. Tomorrow, we will try it again, but as for today…

Today I am done.

A Reunion

This past weekend I attended, for the first time, a Family Reunion on Scott’s side of the family.

Scott’s mom is named Judy. This was for her side of the family.

Judy has two sisters, Carol and Faye. Carol is older and Faye is younger. Growing up, they would spend their summers in Kentucky on the farm of their mother’s sister. They have two cousins, Linda aka Sissy and Donna.

The host family for the reunion was Linda and her husband Cecil.

Once we got there, and the introductions were made, we moved inside and I said “okay tell me who everyone is and how you are all related.” Within minutes, photo albums were pulled out and stories started being told. I was able to sit back and see the joy on Judy’s face as she told the story of her uncle, Linda’s dad, giving her money to go to the movies, then picking them up and taking them to Dairy Queen. I found out from Linda that Judy had no taste in clothing growing up because she wanted to wear plaid and checks together. The laughter was contagious.

The first night for dinner, Cecil made BBQ ribs and chicken, Donna made coleslaw and Linda made a hot potato salad that was to die for. There were also pinto beans and ham with homemade corn bread. And just when you thought you couldn’t eat anymore, Linda pulled out two homemade chocolate pies, one homemade coconut cream pie and a homemade peach cream cheese something or other that was so good it could melt your hair!

We decided to head down to downtown Paducah to a street fair down on the river. I was worried that is was going to be crowded, but there was the perfect amount of people there. I quickly learned that you can dare Scott’s Aunt Carol to do anything and she will. I had her singing back up for a street singer and dancing with an intoxicated man named Mel who generously offered to take her home. All of the girls went on a carriage ride, where the young driver was given so much grief that I am sure he prayed for rapture to happen right there and then.

We finally headed for the hotel. The plan was to go to bed, but we all began to chat. Scott showed his aunts and uncle pictures of our house. His aunt and uncle showed us pictures of everything from being a fireman to their grandkids. We went to bed late that night with smiles on our faces and our stomachs hurting from laughing so hard.

The next morning, we took the breakfast area by storm. We took pictures like we were tourists and Scott’s Uncle Dave showed a home movie from his computer. It was from a time long ago and stirred emotions so strong, that I felt like an intruder watching it happen. It was there that I realized we all have a past that we can have regrets about, but that there is also good that comes from those regrets. And sometimes, you have to wait for years to finally see the good, but it is there…hidden in a home movie.

We finally head over to Linda’s house, but not before Scott’s Aunt Carol gave Courtney and Lacia (the only teenagers in the group) these OBNOXIOUS clackers. As punishment, I made Courtney and Lacia ride in their car for the day! The girls head to Patti’s Plantation, a village that was from the 1800’s. It has been converted into shops and restaurants. We walk through the shops and eat lunch together. We laugh and eat and just enjoy each other. During this time, the guys are at home watching the Indy 500 and telling lies about fishing.

That night Cecil made BBQ Hamburgers and we all ate chips brought by Scott’s Aunt Carol and Uncle Dave. I thought Scott was going to pull one of the bags and hoard them for himself. I can’t remember the brand, but Scott was very excited about them. We gorged ourselves. All of the adults were outside on the screened porch while the younger generation stayed in the kitchen. Scott’s Aunt Faye accidentally left her camera on our table. This is where the fun took a turn. With two teenagers, Scott, his cousin Trisha and me left to our own imaginations and someone else’s camera we got a little silly. Aunt Faye caught us and while trying not laugh did her best at scolding us. We were so far past being reasonably sane, that we didn’t care.

Finally, we all gathered on the screened in porch to take group shots with everyone’s camera. Inappropriate comments were made and pure enjoyment was caught on camera. New memories were made and old ones shared. I feel honored to be a part of this family.

The next day hugs were handed out and good-bye’s said with promises to do it again next year and to keep in touch. Hopefully, we will all keep our words. As we drove home, we each had something different that we liked the best, but all of us agreed that this weekend was one of our favorites.

Family can drive you crazy, make you mad and warm your heart all at the same time.

Isn’t great??!!

A Mother Like No Other

When I was younger, my church would host a Mother Daughter Banquet. It was held in the Fellowship Hall and lunch was served and then usually some sort of show or something. I remember one year women from the church had the girls model their wedding dresses.

I was not a fan of this then, and I am still not now.

I remember mom coming in and sitting next to me in church and saying that she had purchased tickets for us to go. I rolled my eyes and asked her why and she told me "I think it is important that you and I do things like this every once in a while."

Important.

Back then I didn't realize that kind of important.

With a daughter of my own, I do now.

Not that I would purchase tickets to a banquet, but I do plan something for just us, and if she is not into it, watch out.

It wasn't that I didn't want to be with her, because I did. It was that whole thing of it being a group of people - it is hard to explain.

I do have a ton of memories of my mom that I did enjoy doing but I will tell you my favorite....

My very best friend in the whole wide world was getting married and I flew into town just long enough for the wedding. My mom and I went to lunch one day. I don't remember the name of the place, but it was an old church that was made into a restaurant. The night before my dad had given her cash to pay for our lunches. We get there, we have a great lunch, it was a really nice time, and then the bill came. I sit back and don't do anything cause I saw dad give her money to pay. She looks at the bill, looks at her wallet and looks at me.

"I don't have enough money."

"Dad gave you money."

"Yeah, I don't have enough."

She laughs.

I crack up.

So I give her money and we pay the bill and go on our way.

As we are in the car driving home, I ask her what she is gonna tell dad. She informs me she is not going to tell him anything.

Dad gets home from work and asks how lunch was.

I bust out laughing - HARD.

My mom just looks at me and shakes her head.

That story probably is not even funny to you, but as I type this, I am laughing and the dog is looking at me like I am nuts.

That day will go down in history as one of my favorites. The look on her face was priceless, the laughing all the way home and even the next day and....

The day I spent with my mom having lunch and talking like friends.

It doesn't get any better than that!

Dear Woman In The Nissan Who Tailgated Me On The Way To Work

I understand that we were on a one lane road. You also made it perfectly clear (to me only) that you were in a hurry. However I don’t know if anyone has shared this with you or not, but you can tailgate someone all day long, but if the person in front of them is only going 12 miles per hour, it is useless.

What I should have done is come to a screeching halt and let you rear end me. Then your pretty little car would have been all smashed up. However, I didn’t want to be inconvenienced while your insurance company was paying to have my car fixed.

You can thank me any time.

Actually, I should have followed your ass to your place of employment and shared this with you face to face, but I probably would have punched you and keyed your car and my husband would not be happy with me.

Again, you can thank me.

Either leave in enough time to get to work on time, or take a different route, but if you tailgate me again, I can’t promise that you won’t be seeing my back end in the front seat of your car.

Consider yourself warned.

Love,

Melissa

Wake Up Susie and Lay Down Sally

For those of you who really know me, you know that my dad and I are extremely close and I think he hung the moon and the stars.

It is hard on me living far away from both of my parents. I just recently went home for a visit. It had been 6 years since my last visit. It is not that I don’t like visiting, I do. It is the leaving that is the hard part. I am trying to convince my parents to move to Georgia, however, I am not being that successful.

There are a lot of things that can spur an instantaneous memory. One of them is smell. To this day, if I smell the original scent of Jergen’s lotion, it immediately reminds me of my grandmother.

Another is taste. When I was home my mom made a punch that she used to make for me and my brother when we were young, and one taste of it took me back to being little.

But lately I have been hearing all sorts of music that reminds me of my dad. When I was little I was attached to his hip on Saturday’s. If he was going somewhere, I was with him. That means I listened to music with him in the car. It seems lately, that I have been hearing these songs on the radio and it sure does bring a smile to my face and an instant memory

Lay down Sally
And rest here in my arms.
Don’t you think you want someone to talk to?

Wake up little Susie, Wake up
Wake up little Susie, Wake up
The movie wasn’t so hot. It didn’t have much of a plot.
We fell asleep, our goose is cooked, our reputation is shot.

And Honey I miss you
And I'm being good
And I'd love to be with you
If only I could

Oh, they say she died one winter
When there came a killing frost
And the pony she named Wildfire
Busted down its stall
In a blizzard he was lost

Simply irresistible
She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went
She's all mine, there's no other way to go

My dad can tell you the name of song, the artist, the year and what car he had when the song was popular. He will tell you that he never liked the Beatles. He raised me on the oldies, but let me listen to my music in the car when it was just me and him as I got older. He had me appreciate the Bee Gee’s and still watched MTV with me back when they actually showed videos. We both discovered John Cougar Mellencamp at the same time and when the Beastie Boys were popular, he tried, for my sake, to understand that whole scene.

When Scott and I are in the car and flipping stations, a song will come on and I will tell him how this song reminds me of my dad and then I make him listen to it. And Scott is always very nice about it.

I miss the days of hanging out with my dad. And when I see Courtney look at Scott with that look that says he is perfect, I know exactly how she feels.

The Best Things In Life Are Free

I have always said that if you surround yourself with positive people, you will be a positive person.

I believe that.

I have a pretty darn good life. I have a husband who loves me. I have a daughter that is turning out to be a pretty, funny and good person. I come from a family where both of my parents are still married and taught me that some things are worth fighting for, some things are worth walking away from and to always try to find the good in everything. I have friends who would move mountains for me, and when I got married and had a child, they automatically included the two of them.

Recently, someone I work with was making fun of my weight. This person did this in front of a whole lot of other people. It was very obvious that he was teasing me. He was not trying to be malicious in any sense of the word. The next day he called me and asked if I was mad at him. He must have gone home and thought about it. I said to him "if I am going to get mad over something that you were just teasing me about, we have a whole other set of issues." But see, I am a person who enjoys being teased and teasing people. And so it was easy for me to blow off what he was teasing me about.

It has taken me many years to learn that some people don't like to be teased at all. And sometimes, after I go home and think about things, I have to call the person later and ask if they are mad at me. And sometimes I have to ask for forgiveness.

The best things in life are free. Free to forgive and free to be forgiven.

I love the fact that I am easy to forgive people. But I love more that people forgive me.

So just for today...let's all forgive someone something. I'll forgive you and you can forgive me.

Then we can sit down and find the good. Because finding the good is way better than pointing out the bad.

Rules to Follow While in Public with Your Children

Dear Woman Who Brought ALL of Your 4 Kids to the Doctor’s Office:

I understand that finding someone to watch your kids can be hard. Heck, I only have one and it was hard back in the day to find someone to watch her. But I do have some tips for you on how to handle your children should you have to take them in public.

1. Never under any circumstances should you leave the 2 year old girl in charge of her two older brothers. Do you really think she holds any type of authority over them? Let’s just say they were throwing books all over the waiting room (which they were) and let’s say that the little tiny two year old told them to stop (which she did), they will not listen (which they didn’t).

2. Should you need to have your children come sit down next to you, you might want to get up and go get them. Yelling for them across the entire waiting room isn’t really what you want to do. And a word to the wise, making eye contact with other parents and feigning complete shock that the angels are not listening is wasted feigning. Save that for when you get called to the school for a parent/teacher conference.

3. I admire the fact that your brought your sister with you to stay with the kids in the waiting room while you took the baby back to see the doctor. You might want to tell her that it is kind of rude to be talking on her cell phone with her baby’s daddy ON SPEAKER PHONE to find out “exactly what he is so pissed off about” and just how long he plans on staying “pissed”. This was the pediatrician’s office and some parents look down on the language that was used around their children. (On a side note, you might want to tell your sister, that if she washed her child’s hair more than once a month, that the food that was caked in it would come out and help the child smell better.)

4. When you feed your baby and your 2 year old gold fish crackers and they drop them on the floor, I would suggest you pick them up. But if you are not going to pick them up, please do not let your children and your sister’s child grind them in to the carpet. That’s just rude.

I hope you find these tips helpful. They don’t apply only to doctor’s offices. No, they will apply to anywhere that you might find yourself.

Very Truly Yours,

Melissa

Courtney

I have told you all Courtney stories before.

Like the time she came home from school and wanted to join the Girl Scouts, and then wanted to know if you still got to live at home when you were a Girl Scout.

Or the time she was in Kindergarten and got in trouble on a Friday. I was driving home with her in the back seat telling her how much trouble she was in when we got home and she told me that she knew she wasn't in trouble at home, because the Principal told her that she had all weekend to get her act together and it was only Friday.

Last week we had a meeting at Courtney's school to start preparing for High School. We have to start now if we want the transition to be successful. This was the first meeting that she was allowed to sit in on and have a say in. Her teachers had asked her some questions before the meeting and we were going over the results.

Special Education Coordinator - "Courtney does plan on going to college. She would like to be a kindergarten teacher or work with animals."

Scott - "Good. She can live at home as long as she is going to school."

*teachers and everyone laugh*

Courtney - "I don't know what you guys think is so funny..he is serious."

And with that the whole room busted out laughing. She was so concerned that they were laughing at something that clearly wasn't a joke.

We tried to explain why people were laughing, but it was lost on her.

At least we found out that she does want to go to College.

And now she knows how long she can live here.

I Want A Pop

As you know by now, growing up my parents always took us on some sort of vacation. As you are also aware, my participation was not always looked upon as gracious.

But I wasn’t always bad.

A couple of times, my parents rented a little, little beach house down in Newport Beach.

Little. But cute! It had two bedrooms, a living room, kitchen and bathroom. It was on the side with the waves.

On that side there was a big long boardwalk. All along the boardwalk, were shops and restaurants. My mom would let me walk up and down it. Sometimes, my dad would take me to the pizza place. I thought it was cool because 1.) you could go in there barefooted and in your bathing suit and 2.) because everything was up high and my dad had to lift me to get on the chairs. You could order pizza by the slice and dad would get me a slice and orange soda and him two slices and a beer.

Back then my mom would drink Shasta…you remember the commercial for that…I wannna POP, I wanna SHASTA. I wanna taste PIZZAZ. All the great taste a SHASTA has. This vacation she stocked the fridge with them. They had ever flavor under the sun. And at night, she would let Jeff and I split one with dinner.

I don’t know who I was driving crazy this day. It could have been Jeff, but it was probably her. Jeff seemed to make friends easily and for me it was harder. I expected mom to play me and more than once was told “I was not put on this earth to entertain you.” So she gave me some money and told me I could walk ALL BY MYSELF to the liquor store and get myself some candy. Did I mention this was all by myself? Jeff wasn’t with me at all. Nope. I was flying solo.

And off I went, money in hand.

I got there and looked at everything I could buy and decided on a grape Whistle Pop. Clearly, I had got the best of both worlds. Not only was it a delicious candy, it was a loud ass whistle too! Proud of my purchase, I began my journey back to the beach house. There I was happily walking down the boardwalk sucking and blowing, blowing and sucking on my ever so wonderful CANDY WHISTLE!

I got back and walked through the door announcing my arrival with a long and loud blow on that whistle and was promptly told to either eat it or throw it away, but sure as hell, don’t blow that whistle anymore.

And I was so happy because I got to go all by myself without Jeff and get some candy! This was the best vacation ever!

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I went to the movies this weekend and saw Valentine. I thought it was a cute movie.

There is a line in there where a wife says to a husband, after admitting that several years ago she had a brief affair with his business partner, that when you love someone you love all of them, the good and the bad. And the husband forgave her right then and there. Actually, he had forgiven her way before that.

There are people who do not understand the dynamics of my marriage to Scott. Some of these people are people who only know a little of what they see. Some of these people are close friends and some of these people are family.

People have told Scott that they don’t know how he can be married to someone who is so outspoken and opinionated. That he really should have a wife that caters to him just a little bit more.

People have told me that they don’t know how I can be married to someone who has to know about every dollar I spend. That I really shouldn't have to ask his opinion on the way I decorate the house.

Truth be told, no one knows the dynamics of our relationship. Just like we don’t know the dynamics of our friends and family’s relationships.

But I can tell you this, Scott and I have been together since 1991. No one held a gun to his head and made him ask me to marry him. And I said yes on my own accord. We are approaching 17 years of marriage and neither one of us have plans for that to change. I still miss him when I am away from him all day. He still tries to cop a feel every time I pass him by. Every single time.

Slow to trust, but I’m quick to love.
I push too hard and I give too much.
I’m not saying I’m perfect,
But I promise I’m worth it.

When you love someone, you love all of them, the good and the bad.

Everybody Cut Footloose

I was driving home from work today, which takes me an hour, flipping through the radio stations looking for something - anything- that would make my ride home a little bit more enjoyable.

Then on comes FOOTLOOSE.

Whenever this song comes on I get so embarrassed.

I was in 9th grade (I think) when I was asked out by this boy. He went to a different school than me. His school was showing Footloose in the gym. It was a school night and my mom let me go.

When we walked into the gym, I was behind him. I had friends that went to that school and was looking for them and didn't notice that he had stopped walking.

And I walked right into the back of him. Hard.

How do you recover from something like that? You don't.

He never asked me out again.

I was so mortified when that happened. And it is so funny now.

It is funny how a song or a movie or a smell takes you right back to a place so many years ago.

Memories.....

Olympics

I love the Olympics.

I am not a huge sports fan, but I have certain events that I really like to watch. If they were on TV any other time, and I had something else to do, I wouldn't watch them. But if it is during the Olympics, I make the time.

I think I like the idea of the Olympics a little bit more. The worlds best of the best coming together to compete against each other. I like to see an event where a person/team just nails it. It doesn't matter to me which country they are from, if it a fantastic performance, I am proud of them.

But my favorite is the medal ceremonies. I can only imagine what it must be like to stand on that podium and hear your countries song playing in honor of you. When I watch that part of the Olympics, and I see an athlete get choked up with emotion, it just melts my heart.

When it is my country that is up there, it can bring a tear to my eye.

I don't know why I feel so proud. Clearly, I don't know the people on the podium, but if they are on Team USA I feel like some sort of proud parent or something.

Wierd, I know.

These games provide conversation at the office and with complete strangers.

Maybe the Coke commercials have it right....maybe we should all come together and be a team.

Instead of being on Team USA or Team Canada or Team Whatvever, we could all just be on the same team.

Back to Basics

I am a person who sets goals for herself, her work, her family...everything.

MOST of the time, if the goal is important to me, I meet the goal. Sometimes, I am late meeting it, but I meet it nonetheless.

Sometimes, I set unrealistic goals. And then, when they are not met, I beat myself up over not meeting them.

Lately, there has been, on my part, no goal setting. Usually, I arrive to work early, make my list of goals to accomplish that day, and then set out to accomplish them. But lately, I am lucky to get anything on to paper. My goal has been to make it through the day.

My life has been hard lately. I have been getting hit from all sides. Home, work, life...you name it.

But today I realized, and I don't know why today is the day I realized it, that maybe for me to get back on track, I need to get back to basics.

If my life is too busy, perhaps I should make it less busy.

If my work load is too much, perhaps I need to just focus on one task at a time until it is complete.

If family and friends are stressing me out, perhaps I need to distance myself from them.

So I am going back to basics. Back to what I know and start from there.

Hopefully, by simplifying the process, I can make leaps and bounds towards my goals in my head.

And maybe, just maybe, I will come out on the other side a little bit wiser and a whole lot better because I did.

Etiquette 101

Dear Man Eating At The Table Next To Us At Cheesecake Factory:

First, I want to start off this letter by telling you that I know the tables are close together. I do know that.

But let’s go over how one might act/not act in a situation like that, shall we?

One might actually hold their fork correctly. The fork is not a shovel. When eating with a fork, one should always bring the fork to ones mouth, not ones mouth to the fork. Hitting the fork on ones teeth is also not acceptable. One should pull their food off of the fork with ones lips NOT ONES TEETH. One should never hold ones fork they way you were with an overhand grab. Come on, this etiquette 101 that you should have learned at home when you were three.

One might want to eat with ones mouth closed. Put the food in the mouth and then close the lips over the teeth. Continue to do this the entire time the food is being chewed AND swallowed. Chewing with your mouth wide ass open and having food fall onto the table and your shirt is NEVER acceptable. Not even at a bar. Seriously, what were your parents doing dinner time? Certainly, they were not teaching you how to eat.

Ignoring ones family to listen to the conversation at the table next to them might be acceptable if one could manage acting like he wasn’t listening. However, turning your back to your wife while you shovel food into your pie hole and chew it like a crack whore who hasn’t had anything to eat in a week is not acceptable. Ever. Not ever.

Do you understand what I am trying to teach you here? It is never acceptable to act the way you acted in public. Clearly you are not ready to eat in a grown up restaurant. You are, however, qualified to order McDonalds and eat in your car.

Seriously I am amazed that you could even get laid much less land a wife. She must be deaf and blind to put up with you and your lack of etiquette.

Love,

Melissa

Someday

I don’t hate a lot of things.

I don’t particularly even use the word hate.

But lately, I HATE autism.

I hate everything that goes along with it.

But I think what I hate the most is the not knowing. Trying to figure out is she acting out because her meds are off or is it because of something else is killing me. And it doesn’t help that she is internalizes everything. She won’t tell us anything.

And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow

Someday

There are people who are in our lives that are convinced that she just needs a good spanking or to stay with them for a week and they will straighten her out.

There are people in our lives who think we are way too strict and think we need to just let her be.

There are always going to be people that think they know best. I challenge those people to come walk one week in our shoes. They can deal with doctor appointments, calls from the school, tracking of medicine all on top of normal every day stuff. Come on! Scott and I could use a break!

Ahhh…maybe people don’t know better than us. Because they haven’t talked to all the doctors and haven’t done hours and hours of research and haven’t beat their head against the wall trying to find a solution only to take two steps forward and three steps back.

Today I hate autism and everything about it. But tomorrow is a new day and I will get up and start the process all over again because she is my daughter and I love her.

And because SOMEDAY it will be easier on her.

Cause maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow

Someday

Here is to SOMEDAY!!!

Just Be Still

So I have this friend. No, dad, I am not going to tell you her name. I am sure she doesn’t want this posted with her name all over.

So I have a friend who was raised in a strict home. Not a mean home, a strict home. There were rules that she had to follow, and if she didn’t, she would be punished. The older she got, the punishments changed. They didn’t get worse, they changed.

All growing up she had a strong faith. She went to church. She knew the songs. Her heart belonged to Jesus. She thought it would always belong to Jesus.

Then life happened.

She grew up and got married. Babies were born. She moved to other states to follow her husband’s career. And somewhere along the way, her heart no longer belonged to Jesus. It belonged to everything and everyone else. There wasn’t time for her heart to belong to Jesus. There were bills to pay, meals to be made, run one kid to practice and the other to dance lessons and a husband who needed some attention too.
But if you asked her at any time, she would tell you she still had a strong faith and that she missed going to church. When you asked her if her kids wanted to go to church, she just kind of shrugged.

Then one day she looked around and her kids were older and off doing their own things. So she decided she would go to church one Sunday.

How long had she been gone? Church was totally different now. People showed up in jeans and there was a band with drums. Since when do drums belong in a church?
But the service had started and she didn’t want to just leave, so she stayed and observed.

People were enjoying themselves. Imagine that! Kids and adults alike were into the service. She looked up at the screen to see the words to the songs they were singing. One was a traditional hymn, but with a different beat and another was a song with words that moved her to tears.

As she stood there and observed she realized she was mad. She was mad at God. But you can’t be mad at God, can you? And what was she mad about?

She went home and tried not to think about church and what she felt, but try as she might, she couldn’t get the feeling to go away.

She finally realized that she was mad at God for letting her get to a place where she no longer felt drawn to him. That church wasn’t that important anymore. That life worked just fine, thank you.

But she also realized a feeling that she missed. She tells me that she can’t put it into words how she felt, but it was a familiar feeling.

When the road gets crazy
And tries to break me
And I've had all I can stand
I can close my eyes no matter where I am
And just be still

There's a place I need to go
Where stained glass windows glow
Every part of me is known
Thank God I can go there
Thank God I can go there

Still

I know, like her, that life gets crazy and we all are struggling to fit everything in. But just think how maybe, just maybe, the struggle would be less if we would just be still.

Oh Brother!

So, as all of you know, I have an older brother.

He is funny and he is smart and he is rude and drives me nuts. Our relationship is the type that we would be there for each other in a heartbeat, but the day to day stuff chat one a week visit each other on a regular basis will never happen. I am not being mean…that is just the facts.

A couple of weeks ago he called me to tell me that he was in the process of planning a surprise 40th birthday party for his wife, Kim. He asked if we could come. My family couldn’t come, but I could. So last Friday, I drove the 7 hours to his house.

Now, let me tell you, this wasn’t your typical surprise party. Nope. Jeff isn’t typical. He threw her an Amazing Race themed party complete with clues and travel.

She was in California on business and met up with my mom and dad for dinner and a play. My mom and dad gave her the first clue. When she arrived back home in Florida, her friends from South Carolina gave her the next two clues. Jeff gave her the 4th and 5th clue. Her best friend from Arkansas flew in to give her the next clue. Another good friend, that I can’t remember her state, flew into her give her the next clue. Her parents drove in from Tennessee to give her a clue. I came from Georgia to give her a clue. Friends from Tennessee flew in as part of clue. Jeff made sure that everyone who came in from out of town were the people to give her the clues. The last clue took her to a park where something like 55 additional people were waiting for her. Jeff pulled up on the grass and the two of them ran to the “finish line”, where Jeff announced that after almost 20 years of marriage and 3 kids “KIM FINALLY TURNED 40!”

That woman was a mess that day. A good mess. She cried all sorts of happy tears that day.

Then afterwards, a bunch of us went to dinner and back to their house and played cards. It was a perfect day and Jeff planned it all.

The next day I went to church with them. This is only the 2nd time this church has had a service. We were there early and I was sitting out in the lobby. I couldn’t see Jeff, but I could hear him. He was talking to the team of greeters telling them what they needed to do.

This is the Jeff that I forget about.

With me, I get one and two word answers. With them he was wonderful. Which makes sense, right? With family you sometimes get what is left.

But I was happy to remember that he is really good at what he does. He is well respected. He is well liked. He is really funny.

And I am really proud of him.

And if all I get is what is left, that is okay with me because he sure does give to a lot of others who need it way more than me!

What's In A Name

When I met my husband, he was in the Navy. I had just come out of a relationship and he was getting ready to leave for another duty station. We were not going to fall in love. We were just gonna date. Clearly, I could not fall in love with a Navy man – they wear bell bottoms – ewww!

But, fell in love we did - bell bottoms and all.

When it came time to get married he said to me something to the effect that he wanted to take my last name. We would have been Mr. & Mrs. Graves. But I was young and told him that his name was fine and I would take his.

By the way, his last name was YAUCH (pronounced yowk).

It wasn’t long after we got married that I understood. If I dropped of film to be developed, (this was before digital cameras) it was always under the W’s. Mail would come to Melissa Yanch. Most people would pronounce it as yuck.
12 Years into our marriage, Scott came to me and said, he wanted to legally change our last name. So I researched how to do it and started the process. But, we had to decide on a name and it had to be one that all three of us agreed on.

And so it began.

I told Scott that we didn’t have any guts if we didn’t change it to Smith. Then I thought we should put it up to the highest bidder on E-Bay. But Scott was afraid we would have to change our name to something like poop.

My mom wanted us to take something from her side of the family.

Courtney wanted to change her first name too, but we told her that was not an option.

Scott was thinking Pearson. I was not thinking Pearson.

So we sat and went over all of the last names of this family and decided to take his mother’s maiden name of Coleman. We stayed with his side of the family, but it was a name that John Q. Public could pronounce.

When we went before the judge, he asked us why we wanted to change our name. Scott looked him dead in the eye and said “Dude, it is Yauch. Coleman is much easier.”

So for $60.00 per person, we are now the Colemans.

And that is why you see so many names when you look me up on Facebook. I am not divorced. I am not in the witness protection program. I am just something that is now pronounceable.

High Heeled Boots, Ice and a Stranger

It was several years ago. I was driving home from work. I was approaching my exit when I saw a young man walking on the freeway with a gas can. I remember seeing his car on the side of the road. He was out of gas smack dab between exits and not close to either one at all. I watched him in my review mirror. I remember saying out loud to myself, if he is at my car before the light turns green for me to turn to head home, I would ask him if needs help. I was letting the light determine the fate of what I would do.

The light was still red.

I rolled down my window and asked him if he needed a ride to the gas station. He jumped in and said he was on his way to his sister's soccer banquet and thought he could make it. His mom was going to kill him if he wasn't there. So, I took him to the gas station and got back on the freeway to take him to his car. He was so thankful and appreciative. I knew I did the right thing.

I got home and told my husband and he was none to happy with me at all. He could have been an axe murderer for crying out loud! Obviously he wasn't as I was standing right there in front of him.

So I called my mom for a little back up. She agreed with Scott that it wasn't the wisest decision I made. It could have been unsafe.

Here I was wanting accolades, and was getting grief!

Last Friday Georgia shut down because of snow and ice. I still went ahead and went into the office. I do not have a lap top and cannot work from home and had quite a bit of work to do. I was actually doing quite well. I was driving all careful and everything. My hands were at 10 and 2 like the driver's manual says. Safety was my middle name.

I was really close to work. Really. Close.

I has just crossed over an icy patch and was approaching a hill of ice. I had no reason to think that I wouldn't be able to make it up the hill. I had crossed over everything else. There were people behind me going to attempt the same thing.

My car had other ideas.

It could not grip the ice to get up the hill. I was stuck. People behind me turned around and went the other direction. People who had 4 wheel drive, just passed me. Did I mention I WAS STUCK?

I try to call Scott thinking that he could give me some words of wisdom to get me up that hill, but he didn't answer because he was in the shower. I tried calling work but they didn't have any suggestions.

I am a California girl. I don't know how to drive in anything but sunshine, much less, ice.

So, I decide I am going to back up.

Now, all of you should know that I can't back up on a good day. I can't. Hell, I have trouble getting my car between the two white lines of the parking spaces at the office and get made fun of on a regular basis.

But back up is what I decided to do.

And then the car started sliding all sideways like. AND SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME. Scott would kill me if I wrecked the car. He had wanted me to stay home anyhow.

So there I am panicked on the middle of an icy hill.

The by the grace of GOD and nice man walked up the hill to my car and said he could help me. I tried to explain that I was from Cali and we like don't get like ice there and I could totally use some like help, fer sure!

I get out of the car wearing these darling heeled boots and he takes one look at me, shakes his head and says - "Oh, honey, you are from California, aren't you!"

When he gets in the car, he looks at me and says - "You are going to think that I don't have control of the car, but I do." He then proceeds to slide my down the hill. The back end got all sorts of wiggy and I knew we were gonna die.

But control he did have and got me turned around and headed in a better direction.

I thanked him over and over. Actually, I did everything but kiss him.

I am sure I was the talk at his dinner table that night.

And I tell you all of this because we should really treat people the way we want to be treated.

And if they happen to be axe murderers......well, I don't know what to tell you about that!

Snow Day

As most of you know, I was born and raised in California. We didn't get snow days there. The most we did was earthquake drills. That's it.

Courtney was in 2nd grade. There was a threat of snow overnight that didn't happen. When I woke up that morning, I looked out the window and saw that there was no snow and had Court get ready for school and I got ready for work.

When I arrived at the school there were cars in the parking lot and I pulled up, dropped Court off and went to work like any other normal day.

When I got to work, my boss says to me what did you do with Courtney today? I looked at her like she was smoking dope, and told her that I dropped her off at school. She looked at me and told me that school was closed today. I asked her why and she explained that it was a snow day EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS NO SNOW!

Paniced, I called the school and they had her in the office and were laughing at me. Scott went and picked her up and all was fine.

That was the year that I DIDN'T WIN the mother of the year award.

But I still need someone to explain to me WHY school would be closed if IT DIDN'T SNOW!!!!????!!!!

Already Gone

The last time I saw him, we packed up my things
And he smiled like the first time he told me his name
And we cried with each other
We split the blame for the parts that we couldn't change
Pictures, dishes and socks
It's our whole life down to one box
There he was waving goodbye on the front porch alone

But I was already gone

So we were out shopping this past weekend, spending the gift cards we received for Christmas, when we ran into a friend and her kids. We have known them for a while. We did Girl Scouts together. Not the best of friends, but friends nonetheless. I think it was Scott who asked, where her husband was hiding. That is when the uncomfortable look on her face came and she had to tell us that they were getting a divorce.

If one more of my friends announces this again I might just flip out. This is number three since summer.

For each of these friends, there are different reasons. Valid reasons. Sad reasons. And each of these friends are mourning the loss of their marriage in different ways and different levels.

Scott and I were walking to the car and I stopped him and told him I didn't want a divorce. He smiled and said something smart like he didn't know I was thinking of getting a divorce. I just stood there in the cold and looked at him. He then realized I was serious and said we could talk about it but it had to be in a warmer place, not the middle of a shopping center parking lot.

We got in the car and I told him that I want to stay married forever, but that I want us to be in love forever too. And that I didn't want Courtney to leave home one day and for us to have nothing in common and to not like being around each other. And that I wanted him to promise that none of that would happen.

He took my hand and told me he promised to always try to make sure that none of that happened.

I sat there and thought of all of the tough times we have gone through. Of the times that one of us was ready to just walk away because we couldn't handle the stress of autism or finances or life in general. And then I thought about how glad I am that we stuck it out, because I can't imagine my life without him.

I am sad for my friends.

But I am also excited for them. It is a new start to their life. A new chapter waiting to be written.

For them, I hope this chapter ends happily ever after.

For me and Scott - I promise to always try and when I think I can't try anymore, I promise to try again!

Forgiveness

See the title of this post?

How can one word carry so much... weight?

I used to be this really forgiving person. People could treat me poorly one day and be nice the next day and I would forgive them in a heartbeat.

Today, not so much.

I can hold a grudge like nobodies business. And don't try to tell me, in the middle of my grudge holding, that I am being unreasonable, or I will not forgive you for saying that. It's that bad.

Although, I am not above asking, or expecting, forgiveness. Nope, I have got that down.

Sounds like I am a bit of a one way, huh?

Every year, the day before school starts, we meet with all of Courtney's teachers for the year and tell them what to expect with the child they are getting. We lay it all out there for them to see. Her lack of self confidence. Her internalizing everything. How she is one of the smartest children you will ever meet, but won't apply herself ON PURPOSE so as not to make herself anymore of an outcast. How she will go toe to toe with the toughest child in the school over something SHE feels is important. How she refuses, I mean REFUSES, to use a locker and carries all of her books in her book bag to each class and home, even though she has a complete set of books at home too. We lay it all out there and just when they get a look on their face of a mixture of worry and panic, I ask them:

"Now, do you want to hear some good things about her?"

And they all just kind of nod....except for the first year teachers, I think they are silently praying to God. Then I say:

"She is the most forgiving person you will ever meet. She has compassion that will bring a tear to your eye. IF she thinks you like her, she will walk to the ends of the earth for you. She has got a cute little sense of humor. If you take the time to get to know her, I mean really know her, your life will be better because of it."

And they all just kind of look at me like yeah right, you are her mom. All moms say that about their own kids.

And then, by the end of the year, most of the teachers will take me aside, or send me an e-mail to tell me how much of a pleasure it was to have her in class and then tell me something they have witnessed to back it up.

And most of those stores involve how Courtney can forgive even the most offensive thing done or said about her.

Forgiveness.....I hope she never loses that ability. I hope the world doesn't make her lose this ability she has. I hope she doesn't learn how to hold a grudge.

Maybe I need to mold myself after my daughter instead of trying to mold her.

Maybe forgiveness isn't all that bad....maybe