I don’t hate a lot of things.
I don’t particularly even use the word hate.
But lately, I HATE autism.
I hate everything that goes along with it.
But I think what I hate the most is the not knowing. Trying to figure out is she acting out because her meds are off or is it because of something else is killing me. And it doesn’t help that she is internalizes everything. She won’t tell us anything.
And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday
There are people who are in our lives that are convinced that she just needs a good spanking or to stay with them for a week and they will straighten her out.
There are people in our lives who think we are way too strict and think we need to just let her be.
There are always going to be people that think they know best. I challenge those people to come walk one week in our shoes. They can deal with doctor appointments, calls from the school, tracking of medicine all on top of normal every day stuff. Come on! Scott and I could use a break!
Ahhh…maybe people don’t know better than us. Because they haven’t talked to all the doctors and haven’t done hours and hours of research and haven’t beat their head against the wall trying to find a solution only to take two steps forward and three steps back.
Today I hate autism and everything about it. But tomorrow is a new day and I will get up and start the process all over again because she is my daughter and I love her.
And because SOMEDAY it will be easier on her.
Cause maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday
Here is to SOMEDAY!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oh Melissa! My heart breaks for you, Scott and Courtney. I know you guys are going through a challenging time right now. I am not, nor would I ever think that I could give you advice on raising a child with Autism...why?? As I have NOT walked a day in your shoes. As your friend, however, I WOULD advise you not to take advice from people who have opinions that are not validated by day-to-day experience with your exact situation. There are much too many variables with Courtney’s condition to have a "cookie cutter" way of thinking….MUCH LESS DICIPLINE!!!! Anyone who would think any different or advise you differently clearly doesn’t have Courtney’s best interest in mind, only their own mere opinions. I can assure you I am here to listen to your challenges, be a sounding board and a friend. My advice to you today is simple….Pray! Put your trust solely in the Lord and he will lead you down the right path. Although, I caution you….you must listen to HIS guidance. HE is the provider of all things…including the guidance you seek. The decisions you make for your child are between you, Scott, Courtney and most importantly the Lord alone! With an open heart for your family and all our love ~ The Tyldesley’s
ReplyDeleteWow, I could have written this blog post, except I would have changed the word autism to epilepsy. We're only beginning our journey and it scares me that it might never get better. How do you know what is medication behavior and what is teenage hormones and what is diet or sleep. I haven't walked in your shoes, but I'm feeling a little more sympathetic, and my heart hurts a lot more when reading your posts about Courtney and your journey. Hang in there, and remember who is ultimately in control in all situations. We're praying for you all.
ReplyDeleteLori