Put A Fork In It...It's Done

When your faith is stretched so thin
that you can see straight through your soul-
-Sugarland

Faith is defined on the web as: A strong belief in a supernatural power or powers that control human destiny; an institution to express belief to a divine power.

For the last 14 years I have had faith that my child would, not be healed, but would progress significantly. I thought by the time that she entered high school, friends would be made and life would be less hurtful and hard for her.

Prayer is defined on the web as: The act of communication with a deity.

For the last 14 years I have prayed that I would know what to do when it comes to parenting her; that I would know what decisions to make when it comes to her schooling and when it comes to her autism treatments.

Lately, I have had so much trouble with these two words and EVERYTHING that goes with them.

I can tell you this…14 years into it, I fell no more confident than I did when they told us she had autism.

But my faith has been shaken a lot over the last year. The loss of a couple friends – one to anger and one to selfishness, watching people’s marriages dissolve like it wasn’t worth the time or effort to save and a myriad of other things that are little but add up.

And I am sure that many of you will want to quote scriptures to me that prove that prayer works, and that things happening are God’s will and not mine. I get that, I really do.

And I get that nothing is ever easy and I believe that when I tell Courtney that anything worth doing is not going to be easy I am telling her the truth.

But the people who tell me to just pray and have faith and that all will be better need to understand that I have done all of that.

I have done all of that – so what else do ya got? Because, really, right now I am open to anything…aliens, cults, drugs…so what else do ya got?

And no, I am not going to do any of those things. But right now, this minute, I am done with everything. Tomorrow, we will try it again, but as for today…

Today I am done.