Already Gone

The last time I saw him, we packed up my things
And he smiled like the first time he told me his name
And we cried with each other
We split the blame for the parts that we couldn't change
Pictures, dishes and socks
It's our whole life down to one box
There he was waving goodbye on the front porch alone

But I was already gone

So we were out shopping this past weekend, spending the gift cards we received for Christmas, when we ran into a friend and her kids. We have known them for a while. We did Girl Scouts together. Not the best of friends, but friends nonetheless. I think it was Scott who asked, where her husband was hiding. That is when the uncomfortable look on her face came and she had to tell us that they were getting a divorce.

If one more of my friends announces this again I might just flip out. This is number three since summer.

For each of these friends, there are different reasons. Valid reasons. Sad reasons. And each of these friends are mourning the loss of their marriage in different ways and different levels.

Scott and I were walking to the car and I stopped him and told him I didn't want a divorce. He smiled and said something smart like he didn't know I was thinking of getting a divorce. I just stood there in the cold and looked at him. He then realized I was serious and said we could talk about it but it had to be in a warmer place, not the middle of a shopping center parking lot.

We got in the car and I told him that I want to stay married forever, but that I want us to be in love forever too. And that I didn't want Courtney to leave home one day and for us to have nothing in common and to not like being around each other. And that I wanted him to promise that none of that would happen.

He took my hand and told me he promised to always try to make sure that none of that happened.

I sat there and thought of all of the tough times we have gone through. Of the times that one of us was ready to just walk away because we couldn't handle the stress of autism or finances or life in general. And then I thought about how glad I am that we stuck it out, because I can't imagine my life without him.

I am sad for my friends.

But I am also excited for them. It is a new start to their life. A new chapter waiting to be written.

For them, I hope this chapter ends happily ever after.

For me and Scott - I promise to always try and when I think I can't try anymore, I promise to try again!