Do You Know the Way to San Jose?

I have a guest blogger today. He is one of the funniest people you will ever meet. He has got a great wife and fabulous kids. He lives in Florida with the best backyard ever!

Did I mention he is my brother?

So sit back and read this post. Then you will understand why I am such a mess!

Hey. Melissa’s brother here. The chosen-one, the favorite, the king, the prince...”D” - All of the above.

Melissa asked me to guest post for her today. Not sure why. She knows I’m just going to try to embarrass her.

If you haven’t put two and two together...we come from a pretty crazy family. There were just four of us. The standard Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister. A few animals along the way (fish, dog, cat, rabbit, turtle-that-ran-away-from-home). But basically a normal type life.

We were also jokesters. Running jokes, family fun. Like the hidden water gun that could come out at any time (probably early on a Saturday morning while you slept). Or my dad telling every friend (who had a name) that called, “I told you not to call here”. There were others.

One such “family fun” that my dad and I decided would last FOR-EVER was the “Which side of the car do you want to sit on” debate.

See, we had family days and family vacations and long trips to have dinner with people. Up hill, both ways. Dad would drive, mom would run the volume on the radio and we, would sit in the back seat, not seat belted in.

Whether we were in the Dodge Dart, the Volarie Station Wagon (with the now non politically correct wood on the side), or the tin can Toyota Corolla, the debate on who sat where in the back seat started before we left the house.

Seems for the longest time Melissa would wind up sitting on the side of the car that received the most sunlight throughout the trip. Thereby getting hotter and hotter and more uncomfortable along the way. Whilst I, sat on the other side cool, comfortable and smiling (“does this bother you?”).

As she got older, she decided that God had dealt her a bad hand, but she was gonna take control. So, one day before a long drive, she proudly exclaimed “I’M GONNA PICK WHICH SIDE OF THE CAR I WANT TO SIT ON! I’M NOT SITTING IN THE SUN!”

Me: “Ok, loving sister...I think that would be nice”

So she goes out to the car, still parked in the driveway, finds the side of the car not bathed in sunlight and sits down.

Me: “You good?”

Her: “Yes..tellmeimsittinginthesunimnotdoinitigettoodanghot”

I glance at my dad, roll my eyes, get in car.

Ok...everyones in their place. Dad driving, mom on the volume, Melissa in the cool shade and me in the hot, hot, swealtering sunshine. Before starting the car, dad looks at me in the rear view mirror (which you never touch), I nod....and we back out.

Back, turn, 80’s navigation system (the steering wheel) takes over and we are now headed in a southerly direction. The sun in all it’s glory, moves, by the hand of God, off of me and over to the other side of the car, directly on my sister. (I think I saw blisters form on her legs).

Yes...the entire trip, we travel South, and it’s before noon. So that nice yellow ball is right outside my sisters window.

ME: “I’m sorry loving sister...I thought you had picked the correct side of the car”

We arrive at our location, my sister crazy from the heat. Me collar up, topsiders-no socks, fake Vuarnet sunglasses, madras shorts....looking good Mr Kotter.

As we get set to go home. My sister decides she’s gonna “call” which side of the car to sit on, again.

Dad. Glance. Fine.

She deduces that since we are going the opposite direction back home on our trip, that the side of the car I was sitting on will now be blasted with sunlight...so she chooses, happily to sit in her same seat.

We get in the car (facing south). Shade is abundant on her side of the car. She is so lucky. Now I must sweat it out all the way home. (hee hee)

Back out, turn, head north.

It’s now after 12 noon in beautiful So. Cal, and the sun has lovingly moved across the sky to begin it’s setting. About eye level, bright as can be, and blasting right inside my sisters window. (I’m laughing now just typing this out)

*sigh

This went on for years. I mean years.

It’s simple really. Everything in So. Cal is north, south, east, west. The sun does what it has done since the book of Genesis. Up in the east, down in the west. Almost DUE east and west.

AND, when you pulled in our driveway, the car is facing west. Almost DUE west.

This isn’t rocket science people!!!!!!

But, it became one of the longest running annoyances my dad and I pulled on my sister.

Where was mom in all this?

After a while she would take dad and I aside and scold us before we even left for a trip...we would graciously say “yes mamm”, let my sister choose the side, respond with “are you suuuurrre?” and play the game again.

It never ended....I’m in the shade right now.


J