Pick A Winner

So I am driving to work today and behind me is a very good looking blonde in a BMW.
The windows are not tinted, so anyone can see in any of her windows and get a clear view of what she is doing.

Anyone.

Now, I had looked, really glanced, just to see what was going on behind me, because I was going to need to punch it right out of the gate to get over so I could make my turn ahead. If you have ever driven with me, you know that I consider my ride to work a contest and the more time I can take off of yesterday’s drive to work, the better my ride in is.

But I digress…

So I glance in my review and see Blondie digging for gold in her nose. This was not a scratch. It was not a quick inspection, it was a full on up to the knuckle dig.

All the while she is inspecting what she is doing in her mirror.

It was like a train wreck. I couldn’t not watch!

Then, after she finishes her expedition, she runs those fingers through her hair and straightens her bangs. All without so much as a wipe off on her clothes first.

Are you kidding me?

Grossness.

Clearly she needs to tint her windows.

And just so you know, the light changed, I was not first through the intersection and I missed my turn, causing me to have to take the long way to work.

Which didn’t do anything for my stats today.

Put A Fork In It...It's Done

When your faith is stretched so thin
that you can see straight through your soul-
-Sugarland

Faith is defined on the web as: A strong belief in a supernatural power or powers that control human destiny; an institution to express belief to a divine power.

For the last 14 years I have had faith that my child would, not be healed, but would progress significantly. I thought by the time that she entered high school, friends would be made and life would be less hurtful and hard for her.

Prayer is defined on the web as: The act of communication with a deity.

For the last 14 years I have prayed that I would know what to do when it comes to parenting her; that I would know what decisions to make when it comes to her schooling and when it comes to her autism treatments.

Lately, I have had so much trouble with these two words and EVERYTHING that goes with them.

I can tell you this…14 years into it, I fell no more confident than I did when they told us she had autism.

But my faith has been shaken a lot over the last year. The loss of a couple friends – one to anger and one to selfishness, watching people’s marriages dissolve like it wasn’t worth the time or effort to save and a myriad of other things that are little but add up.

And I am sure that many of you will want to quote scriptures to me that prove that prayer works, and that things happening are God’s will and not mine. I get that, I really do.

And I get that nothing is ever easy and I believe that when I tell Courtney that anything worth doing is not going to be easy I am telling her the truth.

But the people who tell me to just pray and have faith and that all will be better need to understand that I have done all of that.

I have done all of that – so what else do ya got? Because, really, right now I am open to anything…aliens, cults, drugs…so what else do ya got?

And no, I am not going to do any of those things. But right now, this minute, I am done with everything. Tomorrow, we will try it again, but as for today…

Today I am done.

A Reunion

This past weekend I attended, for the first time, a Family Reunion on Scott’s side of the family.

Scott’s mom is named Judy. This was for her side of the family.

Judy has two sisters, Carol and Faye. Carol is older and Faye is younger. Growing up, they would spend their summers in Kentucky on the farm of their mother’s sister. They have two cousins, Linda aka Sissy and Donna.

The host family for the reunion was Linda and her husband Cecil.

Once we got there, and the introductions were made, we moved inside and I said “okay tell me who everyone is and how you are all related.” Within minutes, photo albums were pulled out and stories started being told. I was able to sit back and see the joy on Judy’s face as she told the story of her uncle, Linda’s dad, giving her money to go to the movies, then picking them up and taking them to Dairy Queen. I found out from Linda that Judy had no taste in clothing growing up because she wanted to wear plaid and checks together. The laughter was contagious.

The first night for dinner, Cecil made BBQ ribs and chicken, Donna made coleslaw and Linda made a hot potato salad that was to die for. There were also pinto beans and ham with homemade corn bread. And just when you thought you couldn’t eat anymore, Linda pulled out two homemade chocolate pies, one homemade coconut cream pie and a homemade peach cream cheese something or other that was so good it could melt your hair!

We decided to head down to downtown Paducah to a street fair down on the river. I was worried that is was going to be crowded, but there was the perfect amount of people there. I quickly learned that you can dare Scott’s Aunt Carol to do anything and she will. I had her singing back up for a street singer and dancing with an intoxicated man named Mel who generously offered to take her home. All of the girls went on a carriage ride, where the young driver was given so much grief that I am sure he prayed for rapture to happen right there and then.

We finally headed for the hotel. The plan was to go to bed, but we all began to chat. Scott showed his aunts and uncle pictures of our house. His aunt and uncle showed us pictures of everything from being a fireman to their grandkids. We went to bed late that night with smiles on our faces and our stomachs hurting from laughing so hard.

The next morning, we took the breakfast area by storm. We took pictures like we were tourists and Scott’s Uncle Dave showed a home movie from his computer. It was from a time long ago and stirred emotions so strong, that I felt like an intruder watching it happen. It was there that I realized we all have a past that we can have regrets about, but that there is also good that comes from those regrets. And sometimes, you have to wait for years to finally see the good, but it is there…hidden in a home movie.

We finally head over to Linda’s house, but not before Scott’s Aunt Carol gave Courtney and Lacia (the only teenagers in the group) these OBNOXIOUS clackers. As punishment, I made Courtney and Lacia ride in their car for the day! The girls head to Patti’s Plantation, a village that was from the 1800’s. It has been converted into shops and restaurants. We walk through the shops and eat lunch together. We laugh and eat and just enjoy each other. During this time, the guys are at home watching the Indy 500 and telling lies about fishing.

That night Cecil made BBQ Hamburgers and we all ate chips brought by Scott’s Aunt Carol and Uncle Dave. I thought Scott was going to pull one of the bags and hoard them for himself. I can’t remember the brand, but Scott was very excited about them. We gorged ourselves. All of the adults were outside on the screened porch while the younger generation stayed in the kitchen. Scott’s Aunt Faye accidentally left her camera on our table. This is where the fun took a turn. With two teenagers, Scott, his cousin Trisha and me left to our own imaginations and someone else’s camera we got a little silly. Aunt Faye caught us and while trying not laugh did her best at scolding us. We were so far past being reasonably sane, that we didn’t care.

Finally, we all gathered on the screened in porch to take group shots with everyone’s camera. Inappropriate comments were made and pure enjoyment was caught on camera. New memories were made and old ones shared. I feel honored to be a part of this family.

The next day hugs were handed out and good-bye’s said with promises to do it again next year and to keep in touch. Hopefully, we will all keep our words. As we drove home, we each had something different that we liked the best, but all of us agreed that this weekend was one of our favorites.

Family can drive you crazy, make you mad and warm your heart all at the same time.

Isn’t great??!!

A Mother Like No Other

When I was younger, my church would host a Mother Daughter Banquet. It was held in the Fellowship Hall and lunch was served and then usually some sort of show or something. I remember one year women from the church had the girls model their wedding dresses.

I was not a fan of this then, and I am still not now.

I remember mom coming in and sitting next to me in church and saying that she had purchased tickets for us to go. I rolled my eyes and asked her why and she told me "I think it is important that you and I do things like this every once in a while."

Important.

Back then I didn't realize that kind of important.

With a daughter of my own, I do now.

Not that I would purchase tickets to a banquet, but I do plan something for just us, and if she is not into it, watch out.

It wasn't that I didn't want to be with her, because I did. It was that whole thing of it being a group of people - it is hard to explain.

I do have a ton of memories of my mom that I did enjoy doing but I will tell you my favorite....

My very best friend in the whole wide world was getting married and I flew into town just long enough for the wedding. My mom and I went to lunch one day. I don't remember the name of the place, but it was an old church that was made into a restaurant. The night before my dad had given her cash to pay for our lunches. We get there, we have a great lunch, it was a really nice time, and then the bill came. I sit back and don't do anything cause I saw dad give her money to pay. She looks at the bill, looks at her wallet and looks at me.

"I don't have enough money."

"Dad gave you money."

"Yeah, I don't have enough."

She laughs.

I crack up.

So I give her money and we pay the bill and go on our way.

As we are in the car driving home, I ask her what she is gonna tell dad. She informs me she is not going to tell him anything.

Dad gets home from work and asks how lunch was.

I bust out laughing - HARD.

My mom just looks at me and shakes her head.

That story probably is not even funny to you, but as I type this, I am laughing and the dog is looking at me like I am nuts.

That day will go down in history as one of my favorites. The look on her face was priceless, the laughing all the way home and even the next day and....

The day I spent with my mom having lunch and talking like friends.

It doesn't get any better than that!

Dear Woman In The Nissan Who Tailgated Me On The Way To Work

I understand that we were on a one lane road. You also made it perfectly clear (to me only) that you were in a hurry. However I don’t know if anyone has shared this with you or not, but you can tailgate someone all day long, but if the person in front of them is only going 12 miles per hour, it is useless.

What I should have done is come to a screeching halt and let you rear end me. Then your pretty little car would have been all smashed up. However, I didn’t want to be inconvenienced while your insurance company was paying to have my car fixed.

You can thank me any time.

Actually, I should have followed your ass to your place of employment and shared this with you face to face, but I probably would have punched you and keyed your car and my husband would not be happy with me.

Again, you can thank me.

Either leave in enough time to get to work on time, or take a different route, but if you tailgate me again, I can’t promise that you won’t be seeing my back end in the front seat of your car.

Consider yourself warned.

Love,

Melissa

Wake Up Susie and Lay Down Sally

For those of you who really know me, you know that my dad and I are extremely close and I think he hung the moon and the stars.

It is hard on me living far away from both of my parents. I just recently went home for a visit. It had been 6 years since my last visit. It is not that I don’t like visiting, I do. It is the leaving that is the hard part. I am trying to convince my parents to move to Georgia, however, I am not being that successful.

There are a lot of things that can spur an instantaneous memory. One of them is smell. To this day, if I smell the original scent of Jergen’s lotion, it immediately reminds me of my grandmother.

Another is taste. When I was home my mom made a punch that she used to make for me and my brother when we were young, and one taste of it took me back to being little.

But lately I have been hearing all sorts of music that reminds me of my dad. When I was little I was attached to his hip on Saturday’s. If he was going somewhere, I was with him. That means I listened to music with him in the car. It seems lately, that I have been hearing these songs on the radio and it sure does bring a smile to my face and an instant memory

Lay down Sally
And rest here in my arms.
Don’t you think you want someone to talk to?

Wake up little Susie, Wake up
Wake up little Susie, Wake up
The movie wasn’t so hot. It didn’t have much of a plot.
We fell asleep, our goose is cooked, our reputation is shot.

And Honey I miss you
And I'm being good
And I'd love to be with you
If only I could

Oh, they say she died one winter
When there came a killing frost
And the pony she named Wildfire
Busted down its stall
In a blizzard he was lost

Simply irresistible
She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went
She's all mine, there's no other way to go

My dad can tell you the name of song, the artist, the year and what car he had when the song was popular. He will tell you that he never liked the Beatles. He raised me on the oldies, but let me listen to my music in the car when it was just me and him as I got older. He had me appreciate the Bee Gee’s and still watched MTV with me back when they actually showed videos. We both discovered John Cougar Mellencamp at the same time and when the Beastie Boys were popular, he tried, for my sake, to understand that whole scene.

When Scott and I are in the car and flipping stations, a song will come on and I will tell him how this song reminds me of my dad and then I make him listen to it. And Scott is always very nice about it.

I miss the days of hanging out with my dad. And when I see Courtney look at Scott with that look that says he is perfect, I know exactly how she feels.

The Best Things In Life Are Free

I have always said that if you surround yourself with positive people, you will be a positive person.

I believe that.

I have a pretty darn good life. I have a husband who loves me. I have a daughter that is turning out to be a pretty, funny and good person. I come from a family where both of my parents are still married and taught me that some things are worth fighting for, some things are worth walking away from and to always try to find the good in everything. I have friends who would move mountains for me, and when I got married and had a child, they automatically included the two of them.

Recently, someone I work with was making fun of my weight. This person did this in front of a whole lot of other people. It was very obvious that he was teasing me. He was not trying to be malicious in any sense of the word. The next day he called me and asked if I was mad at him. He must have gone home and thought about it. I said to him "if I am going to get mad over something that you were just teasing me about, we have a whole other set of issues." But see, I am a person who enjoys being teased and teasing people. And so it was easy for me to blow off what he was teasing me about.

It has taken me many years to learn that some people don't like to be teased at all. And sometimes, after I go home and think about things, I have to call the person later and ask if they are mad at me. And sometimes I have to ask for forgiveness.

The best things in life are free. Free to forgive and free to be forgiven.

I love the fact that I am easy to forgive people. But I love more that people forgive me.

So just for today...let's all forgive someone something. I'll forgive you and you can forgive me.

Then we can sit down and find the good. Because finding the good is way better than pointing out the bad.