Nobody Hangs Hard Times On The Wall

 

I was introduced to a song recently by someone whom I respect immensely.  Love Is War by American Young is a good song.  There was one line that stood out to me.  It is only mentioned once in the whole song.

Nobody hangs hard times on the wall.

Think about it.

When you walk into someone’s home, look around.  You are surrounded by smiling faces.  Wedding pictures.  New born babies.  Family reunions.  Artwork telling us to live, laugh and love.  Those moments caught on film that capture the perfectness of the day.  They are meant to stir feelings.  To show the world we are happy.

Nobody hangs hard times on the wall.

How would you feel or what would you think if you walked into someone’s house and there were just empty picture frames hanging there?  Or what if there were frames and the pictures were of people crying or sad?

I think sometimes we, or at least I, forget that hard times, make the good times that much better.  I think we, as a society, are too quick to walk away from those who we feel have wronged us.  Instead of sticking it out and working through it.  I think, personally, that we are moving toward a disposable world, and that we are applying that to human beings as well.

Sometimes love is a white flag
Sometimes love is standing tall
Sometimes love is a feather
Sometimes a cannon ball
But it's worth fighting for
Baby, sometimes love is war

My mom and I were having a conversation on a recent visit and I was talking about how there are so many things that I love about my husband and there are a handful that drive me crazy.  And she pointed out, as only a mother can do, that it is that way in EVERY relationship.  Marriage, friendship, co-workers. 

We have to make a choice.

If I only reach out to you when times are good, then, by my actions, I tell you that I only love you when things are good.  But If I reach out to you in the middle of your war, I hope the message I am sending is that you are THAT important to me.

So from this point forward – I choose war.

Because you are worth fighting for.

Today I Am Mad

Being a parent means dong what you think is best for the child during all phases of their journey into adulthood.

Being a parent of a special needs person means hoping that you are doing what’s best for your child even when they are an adult.

When Scott and I began our journey into Asperger’s Syndrome we were told by countless doctors and therapists and friends that we should try to make her act and be as much as society’s definition of normal is.  So we started working with her and drilling it into her head to be normal:

Don’t flap your hands Courtney – normal people don’t do that.

She now cracks her knuckles so bad that I am positive she is going to have arthritis by the time she is 30.

Don’t dress in jeans and t-shirts Courtney – normal girls wear dresses, boots, sweaters – girlie things.

She now will not wear a dress if you paid her cold hard cash.

Learn to drive Courtney – all the people your age have their licenses.

She has tried.  She is scared.  She cannot do it.

And so it has been for all of her life.  Do this.  Don’t do that.

And we wonder why the child is so frustrated, has low self-esteem and can’t move forward in life.

We were just trying to follow doctor’s orders.

Today, I read a blog from a mom of a boy with Asperger’s Syndrome, who is an adult now.  She wrote that while he was growing up they let him be different.  If for his birthday, he wanted to tour the Microsoft office, they found a way to make it happen – even if all the other kids his age were having birthday parties at skateboard parks.

That blog made me mad.

Not at the mom who wrote it. 

At myself.

Why didn’t I do that?  Why didn’t I just let her be who she is?  Would she be more confident today?  Would her self-esteem be so high that nothing could hold her back?

I was really good at fighting for her.  At making sure she was treated fairly.  At telling her that just because you have Asperger’s Syndrome doesn’t mean you can’t do anything you want to do. 

I guess I just wasn’t good at letting her be her.

And I know that she is going to accomplish great things, just at a slower pace.  And I know that I did the best I could with the resources we had.  And I know that hind sight is 20/20.

But today…

Today I Am Mad