When I was in high school, it was a big social place for me. I was always disappointed at the end of the day because I had to go home - don't get me wrong, my home life was not bad AT ALL - it is just that my friends didn't live in the same house with me.
School was a time to visit, joke around and goof off. I did my school work, and my grades were good, I graduated with a 3.5 GPA (they were good if you don't count my first quarter as a freshman where I failed English and had to work my butt off to get my grade back up and was grounded for the whole rest of the semester - even from talking on the phone. Hello! Have you met me? I am on the phone CONSTANTLY even now).
When it was time to prepare for college, I knew I wanted to be an interpreter for the deaf. I also knew that I wanted to interpret in the court system, which would require extra classes. All of my classes were at night, so I worked as a receptionist during the day, and went to school at night Monday thru Thursday. (I also went out with friends on Friday and Saturday.) (You should probably note that this is also the time I got mono for doing too much all the time, and was really sick and my mom made me "cut back" on the going out on the weekends so much.)
After a couple of years I graduated and instead of taking my legal classes that I needed to take to be able to interpret in the courts, I just continued working my office job. Twenty five years later....I am still working an office job. Right now it is in the telecom industry. (Because, you know, deaf people use the phone so much and interpreting over the phone is in high demand!)
I look back on my high school days and I think of all the plans I had for myself back then and what I was going to do. Then I look at my life right now, and it is SO different.
Do you think anyone ever thinks to themselves in high school, I am going to pay to go to school, not use my degree, get a job that I can't advance in and then retire.
Not so much.
If I could just talk to that 18 year old girl and talk some sense into her...
But I can't.
So I will just work the rest of my life and probably die at my desk.
And my headstone should read...Here lies Melissa...I hope there are telephones in Heaven because that is all she enjoys doing.
And I hope Jesus like coffee. I make a mean pot of coffee!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
A Post That Won't Mean Anything To Anyone
I know I talk a lot on here about Autism.
It is because it consumes our life all the time...and lately it has been consuming us more than we would like.
Courtney,in case you don't know, has Asperger's Syndrome. While she is super smart, she struggles socially. Really struggles. And the older she gets, the more she struggles. And the more she struggles, the less I can help. And it is killing me.
She is 15. This is a hard age for any girl on the face of this planet. I look back on when I was this age and THANK GOD that I no longer am. However, over the last year, Courtney has really started realize (and this is a pretty big step for her) that she is different...and she is not coping well with it. *I should also note that it didn't help that we decided to change her meds during all of this, which started off as an EPIC FAIL, but the doctor got us back on track like 5 days before school started...so it was a ROUGH summer*
But while she has been realizing things, Scott and I have been coming to realizations of out own. We see all of our friends and their kids and we realized this summer that she won't be going to the Homecoming Dance, she won't be driving a car any time soon, she won't be going to football games with a bunch of friends. And to see all of the posts on Facebook really makes brings it home.
She is seeing her friends and family members getting their permits to drive. She asked how old you have to be to get a permit. I told her she had to be 15 and she had to have it for one year and one day before she could take the driving test. She asked me why she can't get a permit. I told her because she wasn't ready and that I wasn't saying no...I was saying not now.
You should have seen the look on her face. It broke my heart.
She didn't argue with me...she just didn't talk about it anymore.
I chose to believe that one day, she will leave home, live on her own, come over for Sunday dinner and to do laundry.
Her doctors tell us we need to start preparing her for that transition now. I tell them that I would like to get through the school year successfully.
They just smile that all knowing smile.
I swear, if I was her, I would not leave the house sometimes. But she gets up every day and tries again.
And because she does, so do we.
It is because it consumes our life all the time...and lately it has been consuming us more than we would like.
Courtney,in case you don't know, has Asperger's Syndrome. While she is super smart, she struggles socially. Really struggles. And the older she gets, the more she struggles. And the more she struggles, the less I can help. And it is killing me.
She is 15. This is a hard age for any girl on the face of this planet. I look back on when I was this age and THANK GOD that I no longer am. However, over the last year, Courtney has really started realize (and this is a pretty big step for her) that she is different...and she is not coping well with it. *I should also note that it didn't help that we decided to change her meds during all of this, which started off as an EPIC FAIL, but the doctor got us back on track like 5 days before school started...so it was a ROUGH summer*
But while she has been realizing things, Scott and I have been coming to realizations of out own. We see all of our friends and their kids and we realized this summer that she won't be going to the Homecoming Dance, she won't be driving a car any time soon, she won't be going to football games with a bunch of friends. And to see all of the posts on Facebook really makes brings it home.
She is seeing her friends and family members getting their permits to drive. She asked how old you have to be to get a permit. I told her she had to be 15 and she had to have it for one year and one day before she could take the driving test. She asked me why she can't get a permit. I told her because she wasn't ready and that I wasn't saying no...I was saying not now.
You should have seen the look on her face. It broke my heart.
She didn't argue with me...she just didn't talk about it anymore.
I chose to believe that one day, she will leave home, live on her own, come over for Sunday dinner and to do laundry.
Her doctors tell us we need to start preparing her for that transition now. I tell them that I would like to get through the school year successfully.
They just smile that all knowing smile.
I swear, if I was her, I would not leave the house sometimes. But she gets up every day and tries again.
And because she does, so do we.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Making Memories
There is a song out on the radio right now called Just Fishin by Trace Adkins. It talks about a dad out with his 6 year old daughter fishing...and while SHE thinks they are just fishing, he is banking this day in his memory.
It reminds me a lot of Scott and Courtney. I remember when we lived in Key West, he would take her to fly kites. She was in a stroller and he was out with his kid flying kites. When we moved to Georgia, he would, and still does, take her fishing. She had a pink Scooby Doo fishing pole and they would fish and chat about life.
It makes me realize that when she was 3 or 4, and we were trying to get her diaganosed, trying to figure out what was wrong, I thought she was so hard. I look at her now, at her 15 year old attitude, and wish for my 4 year old again. For the child who was happy to go fishing or for ice cream. To read Go Dog, Go! and Are You My Mother?
School started Monday. I remmber her first day of school like it was yesterday. She didn't weigh 25lbs and the school had to get her a special desk and chair. She is a sophmore now. Her freshman year was SO hard on her. People were so mean to her. When Scott pulled into the parking lot on the first day, she looked out the window and said "Dad...I am really nervous."
But she has come home the last couple of days with a smile on her face. Scott asked me how long I thought this honeymoon period would last. He is giving it two weeks. I am praying for the entire school year.
I hope she looks back fondly on the time that Scott spent with her when she was little...
I know he does!
I’m lost in her there holdin’ that pink rod and reel
She’s doin’ almost everything but sittin’ still
Talkin’ ‘bout her ballet shoes and training wheels
And her kittens
And she thinks we’re just fishin’
And she thinks we’re just fishin’ on the riverside
Throwin’ back what we could fry
Drownin’ worms and killin’ time
Nothin’ too ambitious
She ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout
What’s really goin’ on right now
But I guarantee this memory’s a big’in
And she thinks we’re just fishin’
It reminds me a lot of Scott and Courtney. I remember when we lived in Key West, he would take her to fly kites. She was in a stroller and he was out with his kid flying kites. When we moved to Georgia, he would, and still does, take her fishing. She had a pink Scooby Doo fishing pole and they would fish and chat about life.
It makes me realize that when she was 3 or 4, and we were trying to get her diaganosed, trying to figure out what was wrong, I thought she was so hard. I look at her now, at her 15 year old attitude, and wish for my 4 year old again. For the child who was happy to go fishing or for ice cream. To read Go Dog, Go! and Are You My Mother?
School started Monday. I remmber her first day of school like it was yesterday. She didn't weigh 25lbs and the school had to get her a special desk and chair. She is a sophmore now. Her freshman year was SO hard on her. People were so mean to her. When Scott pulled into the parking lot on the first day, she looked out the window and said "Dad...I am really nervous."
But she has come home the last couple of days with a smile on her face. Scott asked me how long I thought this honeymoon period would last. He is giving it two weeks. I am praying for the entire school year.
I hope she looks back fondly on the time that Scott spent with her when she was little...
I know he does!
I’m lost in her there holdin’ that pink rod and reel
She’s doin’ almost everything but sittin’ still
Talkin’ ‘bout her ballet shoes and training wheels
And her kittens
And she thinks we’re just fishin’
And she thinks we’re just fishin’ on the riverside
Throwin’ back what we could fry
Drownin’ worms and killin’ time
Nothin’ too ambitious
She ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout
What’s really goin’ on right now
But I guarantee this memory’s a big’in
And she thinks we’re just fishin’
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