For my family, Thanksgiving is the holiday that we travel to see everyone. We do a whirlwind trip that covers two states and a bunch of family.
This year was no different, but SO different than years past.
We usually leave on Thursday morning to go to Scott's parents house in South Georgia, but this year we left on Wednesday night. We were expecting TONS of traffic, but there was none.
This was our first Thanksgiving with Lucy, so we took her and introuduced her to Scott's family dogs. I was nervous, but she did great! She is an awesome car traveler, unlike Oliver.
Thursday morning, I got up early and walked a 5K for Toys for Tots. It was not my best time, but not my worst either. Right smack in the middle.
Scott's mom cooked an awesome dinner that night, and I was pretty impressed with how well I controlled my eating! No mashed potatoes or sweet potato casserole for me, but I did splurge and have some delicious dressing!! Judy made me a lemon pie from Weight Watchers that was REALLY good.
We all got up early Friday morning and drove to Tampa. This is the first year that Scott's parents have come with us. This is also the first year we went to Scott's grandparents house to visit. While we were there, Scott's Uncle Jimmy and his sons Ryan and Michael came. It was so nice to see all of them!
We left there and went to Scott's cousin, Trisha's house. This year her husband Alex was not there, he was traveling to see the Gators get BEAT DOWN by Florida State. But both of her kids, Lacia and Tyler were there, along with Scott's cousin, Richard, his partner, Stacia, their two boys, Logan and Rizon and Scott's Aunt Faye. We ate some very yummy left overs and played my new favorite game, Catch Phrase. Scott and I really had a good time!
We made the 4 hour drive home only to find that the person that was supposed to let out all 5 dogs a couple of times while we were gone did not do so. Imagine what we walked into at 1:00am....thank goodness my in-laws have tile flooring. 5 dogs inside for 17 hours..well, use your imagination.
Saturday, Judy and I went to the movies and saw Love and Other Drugs. Okay movie, not my favorite, but had great company. Scott, his dad, his brother and Courtney all stayed behind and shot their guns. I believe a microwave was the victim this year.
We ate a very yummy dinner of turkey sandwhiches and headed home. I drove and we listened to the Georgia/Georgia Tech game and to Courtney snoring in the back seat.
It was great to see everyone, even if only for a couple of hours.
I truly have very much to be thankful for.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sarcophagus
Growing up, when we took family vacations, my mom always tried to make them educational for us.
We would have a word of the day or something that we had to remember and she would test us all throughout the vacation and even after we got home.
When we took a trip to Hearst Castle, the word for the day was Sarcophagus. I think I was in like 4th or 5th grade. To this day, when I hear, or use that word, I go right back to that vacation.
She didn’t stop with just Jeff and I. When we all vacationed in Washington D.C. a couple of years ago, she had words of the day for us then too. I think it kind of drove Courtney nuts being tested at the end of the day, but she survived.
Last night Courtney was telling me that the learned about Pompeii, Italy. She was telling us about the volcano Vesuvius and how people, and even dogs, died. Scott told her how her uncle Ricky has been there while he was in the navy and even has pictures. After she was telling us all about this, I asked her what year that happened in. She said she couldn’t remember. I told her that when she comes home from school today, she needed to tell me when it happened.
She looked at me and said she would just go upstairs and look it up right now, because she doesn’t know how busy she is going to be today. Either way, I got my answer and she looked it up.
Then I started thinking about my mom and the things she did. Everything was a lesson. And while I hated it then, she did make memories and I did learn things that have stayed with me for forever.
I laughed to myself. Scott looked at me wondering what I was laughing about. I just shook my head.
Sometimes, you just have to be in my head for a few minutes for things to make sense. But there are words of the day in there, floating around, just waiting to be used.
We would have a word of the day or something that we had to remember and she would test us all throughout the vacation and even after we got home.
When we took a trip to Hearst Castle, the word for the day was Sarcophagus. I think I was in like 4th or 5th grade. To this day, when I hear, or use that word, I go right back to that vacation.
She didn’t stop with just Jeff and I. When we all vacationed in Washington D.C. a couple of years ago, she had words of the day for us then too. I think it kind of drove Courtney nuts being tested at the end of the day, but she survived.
Last night Courtney was telling me that the learned about Pompeii, Italy. She was telling us about the volcano Vesuvius and how people, and even dogs, died. Scott told her how her uncle Ricky has been there while he was in the navy and even has pictures. After she was telling us all about this, I asked her what year that happened in. She said she couldn’t remember. I told her that when she comes home from school today, she needed to tell me when it happened.
She looked at me and said she would just go upstairs and look it up right now, because she doesn’t know how busy she is going to be today. Either way, I got my answer and she looked it up.
Then I started thinking about my mom and the things she did. Everything was a lesson. And while I hated it then, she did make memories and I did learn things that have stayed with me for forever.
I laughed to myself. Scott looked at me wondering what I was laughing about. I just shook my head.
Sometimes, you just have to be in my head for a few minutes for things to make sense. But there are words of the day in there, floating around, just waiting to be used.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Memories
When I was little, we lived 20 minutes from my mom's parents and 4 hours from my dad's mom.
When I was in 3rd grade, my dad's moms, Grams, died.
She was the coolest grandma ever.
We used to tell each other what we got each other for Christmas. She liked the hand made slippers that my mom would get her from the church bizarre. She got me my first camera. It was a Kodak with flash bulbs.
She ALWAYS made chocolate chip cookies when we came to town. And a hot breakfast. ALWAYS a hot breakfast.
I remember I asked her one time, while we were playing kings on the corner, what if you fall down or something and need someone and you are all alone. She told me that she had friends that checked on her all the time and for me not to worry.
I still worried.
She always wore, and always smelled of Jergen's Lotion. I keep a bottle of that in my bathroom at all time so I can still smell her.
I cried hard when she died. She was the first dead person that I ever saw. It scared the crap out of the 3rd grade me.
I still miss her.
I have NO pictures of her for my own.
When I was in 5th grade, my mom's dad, Grandaddy, died. He was sick for a long time.
He was the best granddad a kid could ask for.
He ALWAYS had lifesavers in his pocket and Coke in the bottle in his fridge. He let me have my own bottle too. I didn't have to share it with Jeff. THAT was so cool.
I cried hard when he died. My 5th grade self couldn't understand why medicine couldn't make him better.
I still miss him.
My family has posted pictures from long ago of him on Facebook and I keep a picture of him up in my office at work. He was handsome as could be.
My mom's mom, Nana, is still alive.
She is 92.
She was the best Nana in the world. She would sit next to me in church and give me gum. She would by us Christmas gifts early, put them under her bed and forget about them, and then buy us all new stuff for Christmas.
Dementia has stolen some of her memories.
She can't remember me when I visit because she doesn't see me on a regular basis.
She can't remember that I have a daughter that is named after her husband. She would be thrilled about that if she could remember.
Last year at this time, she was really sick and everyone was preparing to say goodbye. But she rallied and seems to be doing fine in her body. Her mind isn't, but her body is.
My 41 year old self doesn't want to understand dementia, but I do.
It is an evil robber who takes everything good from your memory.
Like grandkids and great grandkids.
Thank God I remember her and Grandaddy and Grams.
Thank God for memories.
When I was in 3rd grade, my dad's moms, Grams, died.
She was the coolest grandma ever.
We used to tell each other what we got each other for Christmas. She liked the hand made slippers that my mom would get her from the church bizarre. She got me my first camera. It was a Kodak with flash bulbs.
She ALWAYS made chocolate chip cookies when we came to town. And a hot breakfast. ALWAYS a hot breakfast.
I remember I asked her one time, while we were playing kings on the corner, what if you fall down or something and need someone and you are all alone. She told me that she had friends that checked on her all the time and for me not to worry.
I still worried.
She always wore, and always smelled of Jergen's Lotion. I keep a bottle of that in my bathroom at all time so I can still smell her.
I cried hard when she died. She was the first dead person that I ever saw. It scared the crap out of the 3rd grade me.
I still miss her.
I have NO pictures of her for my own.
When I was in 5th grade, my mom's dad, Grandaddy, died. He was sick for a long time.
He was the best granddad a kid could ask for.
He ALWAYS had lifesavers in his pocket and Coke in the bottle in his fridge. He let me have my own bottle too. I didn't have to share it with Jeff. THAT was so cool.
I cried hard when he died. My 5th grade self couldn't understand why medicine couldn't make him better.
I still miss him.
My family has posted pictures from long ago of him on Facebook and I keep a picture of him up in my office at work. He was handsome as could be.
My mom's mom, Nana, is still alive.
She is 92.
She was the best Nana in the world. She would sit next to me in church and give me gum. She would by us Christmas gifts early, put them under her bed and forget about them, and then buy us all new stuff for Christmas.
Dementia has stolen some of her memories.
She can't remember me when I visit because she doesn't see me on a regular basis.
She can't remember that I have a daughter that is named after her husband. She would be thrilled about that if she could remember.
Last year at this time, she was really sick and everyone was preparing to say goodbye. But she rallied and seems to be doing fine in her body. Her mind isn't, but her body is.
My 41 year old self doesn't want to understand dementia, but I do.
It is an evil robber who takes everything good from your memory.
Like grandkids and great grandkids.
Thank God I remember her and Grandaddy and Grams.
Thank God for memories.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Angry All The Time
The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love
And I understand that lovin a man shouldn't have to be this rough
You aint the only one who feels like this world left you far behind
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time.
We have, and use, a DVR all the time in this house, as my husband and I cannot always agree on what to watch. So, sometime during the weekend I catch up on the shows recorded during the week.
Today was one of the catch up days.
I watch a show called Parenthood. The reason I started watching the show was because one of the characters has Asperger's Syndrome. I cried all through the first episode because it was when the parents were told what their child had. I continued watching the show for other reasons, though. As the show progressed, they show how the autism family is able to have a therapist come to the house to work with their child, which put me off a little bit, as Mrs. & Mrs Joe Average can NO WAY afford that. Autism is BARLEY, if at all, covered by insurance, so you have to pay a lot out of pocket - especially with kids with Asperger's as it is so high functioning. But that is the direction the show has taken and I just take it with a grain of salt.
This episode that I just watched killed me. I mean killed me. The dad took his son to the grocery store, and the son noticed, because these kids notice things like this, that the person in the express lane in front of them had 17 items and not 10. As the dad is explaining to his son that it is okay and trying to re-direct, the person with too many items told him that he needed to train his kid better and not to be a retard.
The dad punched him square on the face, which is not like this character at all.
The next day, when he was questioned why he lost it at the store, his eyes filled with tears and he said, very simply, I am angry.
He explained that he was angry about work, and about family but mostly about his child having Asperger's and not being able to do a thing about it.
I can't speak for Scott, but I sure know how that feels.
I remember one time Court and I were at the grocery store. To this day, she hates grocery shopping. Now, she is old enough to stay home, but this time she was way too young. I don't think she even had a diagnosis yet and we were doing, like all parents, the best we could do at the time. Courtney refused to walk with me to the next isle. So I left her there and then checked on her every minute to make sure she hadn't moved, all the while throwing stuff in my cart to get done. She wasn't hurting anything. She was standing in one spot because she was DONE shopping. As I was coming back to check on her an older man told me that I should just spank her and make her come with me.
Really? Did I ask him for his advice? Anyone who knows me knows the look on my face told him to go jump off a cliff, but I just said thank you and told her we were done and she came with me to the check out line.
I understand about being angry.
Here we are with a high schooler now, and everyone told us it would be easier as she got older. But they are wrong. She has a group of kids at school spreading rumors about her and her preferences in a mate. She has a boy who sits behind her in class and whispers, so that the teacher can't hear, how no one likes her. She doesn't know how to process all of this and reacts the only way she knows how, making her look even more odd than what we consider normal for her.
I understand about being angry.
Marriages with these types of children end in divorce more often than not. Scott and I can barley schedule time with each other. And if we do get to go out, we get a phone call every 10 minutes because she is bored or nervous or whatever else, and we can't enjoy our time together, which we really need.
I understand about being angry.
Family can not be so understanding and I see how, when Court walks into a room at a family gathering, people roll their eyes. The thing is, Courtney sees it too and she understands. Which makes her act out. Which makes everyone tense. Which makes for a lovely time for all involved.
I understand about being angry.
But I also understand about finding the joy in everyday things.
The EXCELLENT grades she gets
How absolutely beautiful she is
How she can forgive the meanest person who has done the most awful thing to her
How she has an awesome sense of humor
How she is accepting for all people, red and yellow, black and white
She is a good kid who tells me she loves me every day.
Who could be angry about that?
And I understand that lovin a man shouldn't have to be this rough
You aint the only one who feels like this world left you far behind
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time.
We have, and use, a DVR all the time in this house, as my husband and I cannot always agree on what to watch. So, sometime during the weekend I catch up on the shows recorded during the week.
Today was one of the catch up days.
I watch a show called Parenthood. The reason I started watching the show was because one of the characters has Asperger's Syndrome. I cried all through the first episode because it was when the parents were told what their child had. I continued watching the show for other reasons, though. As the show progressed, they show how the autism family is able to have a therapist come to the house to work with their child, which put me off a little bit, as Mrs. & Mrs Joe Average can NO WAY afford that. Autism is BARLEY, if at all, covered by insurance, so you have to pay a lot out of pocket - especially with kids with Asperger's as it is so high functioning. But that is the direction the show has taken and I just take it with a grain of salt.
This episode that I just watched killed me. I mean killed me. The dad took his son to the grocery store, and the son noticed, because these kids notice things like this, that the person in the express lane in front of them had 17 items and not 10. As the dad is explaining to his son that it is okay and trying to re-direct, the person with too many items told him that he needed to train his kid better and not to be a retard.
The dad punched him square on the face, which is not like this character at all.
The next day, when he was questioned why he lost it at the store, his eyes filled with tears and he said, very simply, I am angry.
He explained that he was angry about work, and about family but mostly about his child having Asperger's and not being able to do a thing about it.
I can't speak for Scott, but I sure know how that feels.
I remember one time Court and I were at the grocery store. To this day, she hates grocery shopping. Now, she is old enough to stay home, but this time she was way too young. I don't think she even had a diagnosis yet and we were doing, like all parents, the best we could do at the time. Courtney refused to walk with me to the next isle. So I left her there and then checked on her every minute to make sure she hadn't moved, all the while throwing stuff in my cart to get done. She wasn't hurting anything. She was standing in one spot because she was DONE shopping. As I was coming back to check on her an older man told me that I should just spank her and make her come with me.
Really? Did I ask him for his advice? Anyone who knows me knows the look on my face told him to go jump off a cliff, but I just said thank you and told her we were done and she came with me to the check out line.
I understand about being angry.
Here we are with a high schooler now, and everyone told us it would be easier as she got older. But they are wrong. She has a group of kids at school spreading rumors about her and her preferences in a mate. She has a boy who sits behind her in class and whispers, so that the teacher can't hear, how no one likes her. She doesn't know how to process all of this and reacts the only way she knows how, making her look even more odd than what we consider normal for her.
I understand about being angry.
Marriages with these types of children end in divorce more often than not. Scott and I can barley schedule time with each other. And if we do get to go out, we get a phone call every 10 minutes because she is bored or nervous or whatever else, and we can't enjoy our time together, which we really need.
I understand about being angry.
Family can not be so understanding and I see how, when Court walks into a room at a family gathering, people roll their eyes. The thing is, Courtney sees it too and she understands. Which makes her act out. Which makes everyone tense. Which makes for a lovely time for all involved.
I understand about being angry.
But I also understand about finding the joy in everyday things.
The EXCELLENT grades she gets
How absolutely beautiful she is
How she can forgive the meanest person who has done the most awful thing to her
How she has an awesome sense of humor
How she is accepting for all people, red and yellow, black and white
She is a good kid who tells me she loves me every day.
Who could be angry about that?
Friday, November 12, 2010
An Early Thanksgiving Post
So we are approaching the time of year where talk about what we are thankful for.
I am thankful for a lot of obvious things –
My husband
My daughter
My house
My job
My health
But lately I have been watching. I have been watching the life that goes on all around me. I mean really watching. So I have made a list of things I am thankful for that I hope you will make you think what you are thankful for –
I am thankful that my house didn’t burn down last summer and that my family of five wasn’t totally uprooted and that I don’t have to deal with the insurance company who hasn’t even started re-building the house.
I am thankful that my child is healthy and didn’t die because of some disease like cancer and that I don’t have to plan a celebration of life, which is really a funeral.
I am thankful that my husband didn’t leave me and my kid and that I don’t have to ask complete strangers for gas/food money because there are no other options.
I am thankful that I didn’t open the door last night to find a man in uniform standing there to tell me that my child was killed in the line of duty.
I am thankful that my parents remember who I am when I call or see them and that Alzheimer’s hasn’t stolen their memories, both good and bad.
I am thankful that my dad doesn’t make me, because of my religion, wear long sleeves and have my head covered to the neighborhood pool while all the other kids, including my brother, are in normal bathing suits.
I am thankful that my parents taught me that it was wrong to be mean to someone just because of their sexual preference and I am even more thankful that I am not a parent of a child who has killed themselves because of bullying.
These are just some of the things that make me thankful this year.
What are you thankful for?
I am thankful for a lot of obvious things –
My husband
My daughter
My house
My job
My health
But lately I have been watching. I have been watching the life that goes on all around me. I mean really watching. So I have made a list of things I am thankful for that I hope you will make you think what you are thankful for –
I am thankful that my house didn’t burn down last summer and that my family of five wasn’t totally uprooted and that I don’t have to deal with the insurance company who hasn’t even started re-building the house.
I am thankful that my child is healthy and didn’t die because of some disease like cancer and that I don’t have to plan a celebration of life, which is really a funeral.
I am thankful that my husband didn’t leave me and my kid and that I don’t have to ask complete strangers for gas/food money because there are no other options.
I am thankful that I didn’t open the door last night to find a man in uniform standing there to tell me that my child was killed in the line of duty.
I am thankful that my parents remember who I am when I call or see them and that Alzheimer’s hasn’t stolen their memories, both good and bad.
I am thankful that my dad doesn’t make me, because of my religion, wear long sleeves and have my head covered to the neighborhood pool while all the other kids, including my brother, are in normal bathing suits.
I am thankful that my parents taught me that it was wrong to be mean to someone just because of their sexual preference and I am even more thankful that I am not a parent of a child who has killed themselves because of bullying.
These are just some of the things that make me thankful this year.
What are you thankful for?
Friday, November 5, 2010
Blue Pumpkins???
You know how it is funny, not funny like ha ha, but funny like...I don't know...funny how if you are in a situation you can spot others in that situation from a mile away?
This was the first year that Courtney did not dress up and go trick or treating. (Not that she was ever really into doing it. She would go to a couple of houses, be happy with what she got and want to go home. We used to force her to go farther.) So we all sat on the front porch and she handed out the candy and Scott and I looked at the kids costumes.
Scott carved two pumpkins this year. One of the pumpkins was a white pumpkin.
Up on the porch comes a boy who was about 12 or 13. He says to me, without looking me in the eye and while holding his bag out to Courtney for his treat, "where did you get a white pumpkin?" He was talking loud for where we were sitting and he was very interested in my answer. I went to tell him where we got it but before I could finish he was talking about how he always wanted to get a blue pumpkin. He wanted to know if I knew about blue pumpkins and went on to tell me about them. Kids are coming and going off of the porch all around him, as he hasn't moved away from holding his bag out to Courtney.
Finally his parents got him focused back to what he was doing. They smiled at me nervously, and I grinned real big and waived - because I knew.
That sweet boy had Asperger's Syndrome, the same type of Autism that my daughter has.
When his parents walked away, I turned to Scott and he looked at me and at the same time we just laughed and said "Aspergers".
And we know as they were walking away, they were telling their son to just go up and get your candy and come back down to go to the next house.
And we know the minute he got on the next persons porch, he forgot what his parents had told him.
I looked over at Courtney, happy to be giving candy to little kids, pointing out the obvious to us like we are not there, and I hope that boy finds a blue pumpkin next year.
And I hope that someone takes the time to listen to him talk all about it over and over again.
This was the first year that Courtney did not dress up and go trick or treating. (Not that she was ever really into doing it. She would go to a couple of houses, be happy with what she got and want to go home. We used to force her to go farther.) So we all sat on the front porch and she handed out the candy and Scott and I looked at the kids costumes.
Scott carved two pumpkins this year. One of the pumpkins was a white pumpkin.
Up on the porch comes a boy who was about 12 or 13. He says to me, without looking me in the eye and while holding his bag out to Courtney for his treat, "where did you get a white pumpkin?" He was talking loud for where we were sitting and he was very interested in my answer. I went to tell him where we got it but before I could finish he was talking about how he always wanted to get a blue pumpkin. He wanted to know if I knew about blue pumpkins and went on to tell me about them. Kids are coming and going off of the porch all around him, as he hasn't moved away from holding his bag out to Courtney.
Finally his parents got him focused back to what he was doing. They smiled at me nervously, and I grinned real big and waived - because I knew.
That sweet boy had Asperger's Syndrome, the same type of Autism that my daughter has.
When his parents walked away, I turned to Scott and he looked at me and at the same time we just laughed and said "Aspergers".
And we know as they were walking away, they were telling their son to just go up and get your candy and come back down to go to the next house.
And we know the minute he got on the next persons porch, he forgot what his parents had told him.
I looked over at Courtney, happy to be giving candy to little kids, pointing out the obvious to us like we are not there, and I hope that boy finds a blue pumpkin next year.
And I hope that someone takes the time to listen to him talk all about it over and over again.
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