Dear Family That Was Ahead of Me at Subway Last Night:
I know you have been here before, because all of you knew what kind of sandwich you wanted. You knew what kind of bread you wanted and if you wanted it toasted or not.
However, you did leave me a little baffled over a couple of things:
1. Chips. The chips are placed at the beginning of the line that you got into to place your order. They are also placed all along the glass where you are having your sandwich built. They are there for you to grab. So WHY didn't you grab them when you were in line? WHY did you have to walk back over my feet to get your chips?
2. Condiments and Fixins. You know they are going to ask you what you want on your sandwich. So WHY did you act surprised when they did? And then you, all three of you, stood there and stared at the fixins like you have never seen lettuce and tomato before. REALLY? You should know how you like your sandwich and should be able to tell the employee what you want on it. You also should be able to do this quickly. It is a fast food restaurant. Hurry up!
3. Paying. If you are going to go into any establishment, whether it be a restaurant or any other retail chain that takes credit cards, you should always know just how much you have on your pre-paid credit card. There is no excuse for you to get to the end of the line and hand her your card, tell her you don't know how much is on there and then, when it is declined, act shocked. Also, if you don't know how much is on the card, have a back up plan. But to just walk away from three sandwiches that took 30 minutes to make absolutely baffles me. did you know that the establishment had to THROW YOUR FOOD AWAY? What a waste!
On a side note, you should tell your daughter that super short shorts and a tiny tank top makes her look trampy, not sexy. Just sayin...
Good God, I hope that was your daughter.....*shudders*
Showing posts with label Rants and Raves. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rants and Raves. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Taylor Swift Should Write A Song Entitled Why You Gotta Be So Stupid!
Dear Man Driving the Mini Van on 985:
Remember how in Driver's Ed they taught you that an "On Ramp" is to gain speed so that you enter the Freeway/Interstate at the same rate the cars are traveling at? Do you remember also that the reason for this is so not to become a traffic hazard for you and those around you?
Yeah...you should apply that.
No where in your driver's manual does it say to break the entire length of the on ramp and have 16 cars all backed up behind you and then to get in the fast lane when you do finally merge going like 12 miles an hour.
Seriously, I could walk faster than you were driving.
Please either stay home or only travel on surface streets.
On a side note, any man who drives a car and has one of those stick figure families on the back window with the note that reads "All Because Two People Fell In Love" should have their man card pulled and never given back. Ever.
Just Sayin....
Remember how in Driver's Ed they taught you that an "On Ramp" is to gain speed so that you enter the Freeway/Interstate at the same rate the cars are traveling at? Do you remember also that the reason for this is so not to become a traffic hazard for you and those around you?
Yeah...you should apply that.
No where in your driver's manual does it say to break the entire length of the on ramp and have 16 cars all backed up behind you and then to get in the fast lane when you do finally merge going like 12 miles an hour.
Seriously, I could walk faster than you were driving.
Please either stay home or only travel on surface streets.
On a side note, any man who drives a car and has one of those stick figure families on the back window with the note that reads "All Because Two People Fell In Love" should have their man card pulled and never given back. Ever.
Just Sayin....
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Really?
Dear Man in the Blue Truck That I was Driving Behind on the Way to Work Yesterday:
I see that you have a big sticker on the back of your truck window that says "Hang Up and Drive". Imagine my surprise when I pass you because you are going like 12 miles an hour and see that YOU ARE ON THE PHONE. Really? Perhaps you need to take a nickles worth of your own free advice, my friend.
Dear Man Who Was Driving Behind Me on the Way To Work Today:
I see that you almost rear ended me twice today. Imagine my surprise when I started watching you and what you were actually doing seeing that YOU WERE SHAVING. Really? Perhaps you should do that at home and not on the road.
Dear Woman in the Mini Van on I85:
My God Woman! What is wrong with you? What makes you think it is okay to be on a major interstate and eat TOP RAMEN WITH CHOPSTICKS while you are driving. Really? Clearly you had no hands on the steering wheel as you were holding the bowl with one and chopsticks with the other. You take the cake for idiot drivers. If you are so damn hungry eat before you get in the car!
All of you should have your driver's licenses pulled. Clearly you are too stupid to be on the road. If I had enough money, I would ram you with my car just to make a point. But my car is paid off and Scott says I have to drive it until the wheels fall off because he doesn't want another car payment.
If it weren't for that, you'd be suckin!
I see that you have a big sticker on the back of your truck window that says "Hang Up and Drive". Imagine my surprise when I pass you because you are going like 12 miles an hour and see that YOU ARE ON THE PHONE. Really? Perhaps you need to take a nickles worth of your own free advice, my friend.
Dear Man Who Was Driving Behind Me on the Way To Work Today:
I see that you almost rear ended me twice today. Imagine my surprise when I started watching you and what you were actually doing seeing that YOU WERE SHAVING. Really? Perhaps you should do that at home and not on the road.
Dear Woman in the Mini Van on I85:
My God Woman! What is wrong with you? What makes you think it is okay to be on a major interstate and eat TOP RAMEN WITH CHOPSTICKS while you are driving. Really? Clearly you had no hands on the steering wheel as you were holding the bowl with one and chopsticks with the other. You take the cake for idiot drivers. If you are so damn hungry eat before you get in the car!
All of you should have your driver's licenses pulled. Clearly you are too stupid to be on the road. If I had enough money, I would ram you with my car just to make a point. But my car is paid off and Scott says I have to drive it until the wheels fall off because he doesn't want another car payment.
If it weren't for that, you'd be suckin!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Sorry About Your Penis!
Dear Man In The Red Convertible:
First of all I want to say that I am sorry about your penis. Any man your age who has a car like this clearly is having issues. But there is more than just your penis. Let’s go over a few shall we?
Let’s start with your hair. Why don’t you embrace going bald? That comb over thing you are doing doesn’t work and makes you look even more stupid than you already do. Besides, that one piece flying around while you insist on driving with your top down in 30 degree weather is gross.
Now let’s talk about your car. Does it really make you feel that much better? I am sorry that you left your wife, a good woman who loved you, for your 21 year old secretary. I am even sorrier that you are shocked that the 21 year old bimbo left you because you were, wait for it, too old. But this car can’t make you younger or manlier. It is making you pathetic.
Keeping with the car, IF you are going to insist on driving this thing around, which clearly you are, get the dents taken out of it. Obviously you are refusing to wear your glasses, that you desperately need, and you have “bumped” into a few things. WHOOPSIE! That car would look much better if you took it to your local crash and dent place and get it fixed.
Let’s talk about your driving now, shall we? If you are going to get a 5 speed, KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A 5 SPEED. You wanting women to check you out while you are stopped at a light and then speed away loses its effect when you stall out at the light because you can’t get it in gear. We are looking at you alright, but we are laughing at you.
I am sorry you are old, but it is a fact of life. Happens to the best of them. A car isn’t going to make you younger.
Just get a Rascal and paint flames on the side.
Love,
Melissa
First of all I want to say that I am sorry about your penis. Any man your age who has a car like this clearly is having issues. But there is more than just your penis. Let’s go over a few shall we?
Let’s start with your hair. Why don’t you embrace going bald? That comb over thing you are doing doesn’t work and makes you look even more stupid than you already do. Besides, that one piece flying around while you insist on driving with your top down in 30 degree weather is gross.
Now let’s talk about your car. Does it really make you feel that much better? I am sorry that you left your wife, a good woman who loved you, for your 21 year old secretary. I am even sorrier that you are shocked that the 21 year old bimbo left you because you were, wait for it, too old. But this car can’t make you younger or manlier. It is making you pathetic.
Keeping with the car, IF you are going to insist on driving this thing around, which clearly you are, get the dents taken out of it. Obviously you are refusing to wear your glasses, that you desperately need, and you have “bumped” into a few things. WHOOPSIE! That car would look much better if you took it to your local crash and dent place and get it fixed.
Let’s talk about your driving now, shall we? If you are going to get a 5 speed, KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A 5 SPEED. You wanting women to check you out while you are stopped at a light and then speed away loses its effect when you stall out at the light because you can’t get it in gear. We are looking at you alright, but we are laughing at you.
I am sorry you are old, but it is a fact of life. Happens to the best of them. A car isn’t going to make you younger.
Just get a Rascal and paint flames on the side.
Love,
Melissa
Friday, April 23, 2010
Dear Woman In The Nissan Who Tailgated Me On The Way To Work
I understand that we were on a one lane road. You also made it perfectly clear (to me only) that you were in a hurry. However I don’t know if anyone has shared this with you or not, but you can tailgate someone all day long, but if the person in front of them is only going 12 miles per hour, it is useless.
What I should have done is come to a screeching halt and let you rear end me. Then your pretty little car would have been all smashed up. However, I didn’t want to be inconvenienced while your insurance company was paying to have my car fixed.
You can thank me any time.
Actually, I should have followed your ass to your place of employment and shared this with you face to face, but I probably would have punched you and keyed your car and my husband would not be happy with me.
Again, you can thank me.
Either leave in enough time to get to work on time, or take a different route, but if you tailgate me again, I can’t promise that you won’t be seeing my back end in the front seat of your car.
Consider yourself warned.
Love,
Melissa
What I should have done is come to a screeching halt and let you rear end me. Then your pretty little car would have been all smashed up. However, I didn’t want to be inconvenienced while your insurance company was paying to have my car fixed.
You can thank me any time.
Actually, I should have followed your ass to your place of employment and shared this with you face to face, but I probably would have punched you and keyed your car and my husband would not be happy with me.
Again, you can thank me.
Either leave in enough time to get to work on time, or take a different route, but if you tailgate me again, I can’t promise that you won’t be seeing my back end in the front seat of your car.
Consider yourself warned.
Love,
Melissa
Monday, February 1, 2010
Etiquette 101
Dear Man Eating At The Table Next To Us At Cheesecake Factory:
First, I want to start off this letter by telling you that I know the tables are close together. I do know that.
But let’s go over how one might act/not act in a situation like that, shall we?
One might actually hold their fork correctly. The fork is not a shovel. When eating with a fork, one should always bring the fork to ones mouth, not ones mouth to the fork. Hitting the fork on ones teeth is also not acceptable. One should pull their food off of the fork with ones lips NOT ONES TEETH. One should never hold ones fork they way you were with an overhand grab. Come on, this etiquette 101 that you should have learned at home when you were three.
One might want to eat with ones mouth closed. Put the food in the mouth and then close the lips over the teeth. Continue to do this the entire time the food is being chewed AND swallowed. Chewing with your mouth wide ass open and having food fall onto the table and your shirt is NEVER acceptable. Not even at a bar. Seriously, what were your parents doing dinner time? Certainly, they were not teaching you how to eat.
Ignoring ones family to listen to the conversation at the table next to them might be acceptable if one could manage acting like he wasn’t listening. However, turning your back to your wife while you shovel food into your pie hole and chew it like a crack whore who hasn’t had anything to eat in a week is not acceptable. Ever. Not ever.
Do you understand what I am trying to teach you here? It is never acceptable to act the way you acted in public. Clearly you are not ready to eat in a grown up restaurant. You are, however, qualified to order McDonalds and eat in your car.
Seriously I am amazed that you could even get laid much less land a wife. She must be deaf and blind to put up with you and your lack of etiquette.
Love,
Melissa
First, I want to start off this letter by telling you that I know the tables are close together. I do know that.
But let’s go over how one might act/not act in a situation like that, shall we?
One might actually hold their fork correctly. The fork is not a shovel. When eating with a fork, one should always bring the fork to ones mouth, not ones mouth to the fork. Hitting the fork on ones teeth is also not acceptable. One should pull their food off of the fork with ones lips NOT ONES TEETH. One should never hold ones fork they way you were with an overhand grab. Come on, this etiquette 101 that you should have learned at home when you were three.
One might want to eat with ones mouth closed. Put the food in the mouth and then close the lips over the teeth. Continue to do this the entire time the food is being chewed AND swallowed. Chewing with your mouth wide ass open and having food fall onto the table and your shirt is NEVER acceptable. Not even at a bar. Seriously, what were your parents doing dinner time? Certainly, they were not teaching you how to eat.
Ignoring ones family to listen to the conversation at the table next to them might be acceptable if one could manage acting like he wasn’t listening. However, turning your back to your wife while you shovel food into your pie hole and chew it like a crack whore who hasn’t had anything to eat in a week is not acceptable. Ever. Not ever.
Do you understand what I am trying to teach you here? It is never acceptable to act the way you acted in public. Clearly you are not ready to eat in a grown up restaurant. You are, however, qualified to order McDonalds and eat in your car.
Seriously I am amazed that you could even get laid much less land a wife. She must be deaf and blind to put up with you and your lack of etiquette.
Love,
Melissa
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