Dear Courtney:
I wanted to take a moment to tell you some things that you
need to hear, that I don’t always say out loud.
I wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids, so when we found
out I was pregnant with you, needless to say, it was a surprise!
When I found out I was having a girl, I was worried that
your dad and you wouldn’t bond. I prayed
every night that when you were born that Dad would fall in love with you as
much as I already did. I don’t know what
I was worried about…the minute you were born, you had him wrapped around your
little finger. And truth be told, you
still do!
You were a pretty baby and toddler and everywhere we went,
people would talk to you and comment to me how pretty you were. People always felt compelled to touch you,
which wigged me out, but you obviously didn’t die because they did!
I learned early on that you loved music as much as me, so we
spent time listening to music a lot. It
calmed you down, it made you smile and you were just so stinkin cute when music
was playing! I love that you would
rather listen to music today than watch TV.
However, when you listen to it so loud you can hear it while showering
or blow drying your hair that tends to make me a little cranky. But I bet if you asked Granny and Granddad if
I did the same thing, I am sure they would tell you I did!
School proved to be a rough go for you from the very
beginning, although most of your teachers fell in love with you. It must have been hard to think in a
different way than your classmates. It
must have been hard to try to fit into a world that moves to a tune so
different than the one that plays for you.
But I want you to know that I know it was so very hard for you. And I know that on some days the very best
you could do was to just get out of bed.
I also know that you hated me the days I made you go to school when you
were begging me to stay home. I have
been there and seen first-hand people roll their eyes or start to whisper when
you walked into the room. I also know
that even though you didn’t act like you were aware of it, you were. I want you to understand that if I didn’t
make you go, then all those people who were mean to you would win and I wanted
you to win. It was SO HARD for me to
force the issue. What I really wanted to
do was just let you stay home where it was safe. If I had my way, I would have kept you home
where no one could hurt you anymore. But
what would that have taught you? You
needed to learn that there are mean people in this world and how to deal with
them. You needed to learn that there are
kind people in the world too, and how to be like them. You needed to learn that no matter how people
treat you, you are still responsible for carrying on with your day. You needed to learn that people come in all
different colors and shapes, but what really matters is how they treat you and
other people, not the way that they look.
You needed to learn that no matter what happens today, the sun is still
going to come up tomorrow and you are expected to be an active participant.
And do you know what you accomplished?
You proved to everyone that no one could keep you down. Not the meanest of kids. Not the teachers who didn’t think you would
amount to anything. Not anyone. You are graduating an entire year early. You buckled down and got through a situation
(a 12 year situation) that made you less than comfortable and finished
early. Your Dad and I are so proud of
you.
But the main thing you need to know is that life isn’t
always this hard. It will still be hard,
but not every day and not so ruthless.
And you learned that you can rise above and come out better on the other
side.
I love you so much!
And I would do it all again. I
would seek out the best doctors. I would
seek out the best schools for your style.
I would storm the gates of the schools to make sure that you were
treated fairly and kindly. To see the
person you have become warms my heart.
And I know, as only a mother can know, that you are gonna do great in
whatever you decide to “do” with your life.
I think it is a great choice to want to be a teacher. Just think what you can teach those kid…how
to be kind, how to appreciate a good book, how science is interesting and how
you have to pass your math class even though chances are you are not going to
use it in your everyday life!
I could not be any more proud of you!
Love,
Mom
