And I Can't Change. Even If I Tried. Even If I Wanted To!

I grew up in a family that taught me that everything was okay!  It was okay that you were a different color than me.  It was okay that a woman was doing a job that was considered a man's job, or even vice versa.  It was okay to be a different religion than me.  It was even okay for a man to love a man and for a woman to love a woman.

When I was in third grade I thought that I was gay cause I could draw, my uncle was and I kept my room straight.  I told my mom, tears rushing down my face.  She's like "Ben, you've loved girls since before Pre-K!  A pre-conceived idea of what it all meant for those that like the same sex had the characteristics.
I grew up in a church that taught me that everything was okay!  It was okay that you were a different color than me.  It was okay that a woman was doing a job that was considered a man's job, or even vice versa.  It was okay to be a different religion than me.  It was even okay for a man to love a man and for a woman to love a woman.

And I can't change.  Even if I tried.  Even if I wanted to.

I realize, now, that I grew up in a different kind of family.  That not all families are accepting of each other.

We've become so numb to what we are saying.  Our culture, founded from oppression, yet we don't have acceptance for them.  Call each other faggots (or other names) behind the keys of a message board.

And that makes me sad.

It's sad that a person has to move to another state so she is free to love whom she chooses without the disappointing glare of her family.

It's sad that someone would rather kill themselves than live another day being tormented at school.

It's sad, that in this day and age, we are arguing over equal rights for all people.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Love never fails.

Maybe, just maybe, if we all took the time to show a little love to each other, no mater what our beliefs are, we just might be better people.

I don't care if you are a purple gay man who wants to be a woman, if you treat me nice, that's all that matters to me!

A Graduation Letter to My Daughter

Dear Courtney:

I wanted to take a moment to tell you some things that you need to hear, that I don’t always say out loud. 

I wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids, so when we found out I was pregnant with you, needless to say, it was a surprise!

When I found out I was having a girl, I was worried that your dad and you wouldn’t bond.  I prayed every night that when you were born that Dad would fall in love with you as much as I already did.  I don’t know what I was worried about…the minute you were born, you had him wrapped around your little finger.  And truth be told, you still do!

You were a pretty baby and toddler and everywhere we went, people would talk to you and comment to me how pretty you were.  People always felt compelled to touch you, which wigged me out, but you obviously didn’t die because they did!

I learned early on that you loved music as much as me, so we spent time listening to music a lot.  It calmed you down, it made you smile and you were just so stinkin cute when music was playing!  I love that you would rather listen to music today than watch TV.  However, when you listen to it so loud you can hear it while showering or blow drying your hair that tends to make me a little cranky.  But I bet if you asked Granny and Granddad if I did the same thing, I am sure they would tell you I did!

School proved to be a rough go for you from the very beginning, although most of your teachers fell in love with you.  It must have been hard to think in a different way than your classmates.  It must have been hard to try to fit into a world that moves to a tune so different than the one that plays for you.  But I want you to know that I know it was so very hard for you.  And I know that on some days the very best you could do was to just get out of bed.  I also know that you hated me the days I made you go to school when you were begging me to stay home.  I have been there and seen first-hand people roll their eyes or start to whisper when you walked into the room.  I also know that even though you didn’t act like you were aware of it, you were.  I want you to understand that if I didn’t make you go, then all those people who were mean to you would win and I wanted you to win.  It was SO HARD for me to force the issue.  What I really wanted to do was just let you stay home where it was safe.  If I had my way, I would have kept you home where no one could hurt you anymore.  But what would that have taught you?  You needed to learn that there are mean people in this world and how to deal with them.  You needed to learn that there are kind people in the world too, and how to be like them.  You needed to learn that no matter how people treat you, you are still responsible for carrying on with your day.  You needed to learn that people come in all different colors and shapes, but what really matters is how they treat you and other people, not the way that they look.  You needed to learn that no matter what happens today, the sun is still going to come up tomorrow and you are expected to be an active participant.

And do you know what you accomplished?

You proved to everyone that no one could keep you down.  Not the meanest of kids.  Not the teachers who didn’t think you would amount to anything.  Not anyone.  You are graduating an entire year early.  You buckled down and got through a situation (a 12 year situation) that made you less than comfortable and finished early.  Your Dad and I are so proud of you.

But the main thing you need to know is that life isn’t always this hard.  It will still be hard, but not every day and not so ruthless.  And you learned that you can rise above and come out better on the other side.

I love you so much!  And I would do it all again.  I would seek out the best doctors.  I would seek out the best schools for your style.  I would storm the gates of the schools to make sure that you were treated fairly and kindly.  To see the person you have become warms my heart.  And I know, as only a mother can know, that you are gonna do great in whatever you decide to “do” with your life.  I think it is a great choice to want to be a teacher.  Just think what you can teach those kid…how to be kind, how to appreciate a good book, how science is interesting and how you have to pass your math class even though chances are you are not going to use it in your everyday life!

I could not be any more proud of you!

Love,

Mom