Angry All The Time

The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love
And I understand that lovin a man shouldn't have to be this rough
You aint the only one who feels like this world left you far behind
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time.

We have, and use, a DVR all the time in this house, as my husband and I cannot always agree on what to watch. So, sometime during the weekend I catch up on the shows recorded during the week.

Today was one of the catch up days.

I watch a show called Parenthood. The reason I started watching the show was because one of the characters has Asperger's Syndrome. I cried all through the first episode because it was when the parents were told what their child had. I continued watching the show for other reasons, though. As the show progressed, they show how the autism family is able to have a therapist come to the house to work with their child, which put me off a little bit, as Mrs. & Mrs Joe Average can NO WAY afford that. Autism is BARLEY, if at all, covered by insurance, so you have to pay a lot out of pocket - especially with kids with Asperger's as it is so high functioning. But that is the direction the show has taken and I just take it with a grain of salt.

This episode that I just watched killed me. I mean killed me. The dad took his son to the grocery store, and the son noticed, because these kids notice things like this, that the person in the express lane in front of them had 17 items and not 10. As the dad is explaining to his son that it is okay and trying to re-direct, the person with too many items told him that he needed to train his kid better and not to be a retard.

The dad punched him square on the face, which is not like this character at all.

The next day, when he was questioned why he lost it at the store, his eyes filled with tears and he said, very simply, I am angry.

He explained that he was angry about work, and about family but mostly about his child having Asperger's and not being able to do a thing about it.

I can't speak for Scott, but I sure know how that feels.

I remember one time Court and I were at the grocery store. To this day, she hates grocery shopping. Now, she is old enough to stay home, but this time she was way too young. I don't think she even had a diagnosis yet and we were doing, like all parents, the best we could do at the time. Courtney refused to walk with me to the next isle. So I left her there and then checked on her every minute to make sure she hadn't moved, all the while throwing stuff in my cart to get done. She wasn't hurting anything. She was standing in one spot because she was DONE shopping. As I was coming back to check on her an older man told me that I should just spank her and make her come with me.

Really? Did I ask him for his advice? Anyone who knows me knows the look on my face told him to go jump off a cliff, but I just said thank you and told her we were done and she came with me to the check out line.

I understand about being angry.

Here we are with a high schooler now, and everyone told us it would be easier as she got older. But they are wrong. She has a group of kids at school spreading rumors about her and her preferences in a mate. She has a boy who sits behind her in class and whispers, so that the teacher can't hear, how no one likes her. She doesn't know how to process all of this and reacts the only way she knows how, making her look even more odd than what we consider normal for her.

I understand about being angry.

Marriages with these types of children end in divorce more often than not. Scott and I can barley schedule time with each other. And if we do get to go out, we get a phone call every 10 minutes because she is bored or nervous or whatever else, and we can't enjoy our time together, which we really need.

I understand about being angry.

Family can not be so understanding and I see how, when Court walks into a room at a family gathering, people roll their eyes. The thing is, Courtney sees it too and she understands. Which makes her act out. Which makes everyone tense. Which makes for a lovely time for all involved.

I understand about being angry.

But I also understand about finding the joy in everyday things.

The EXCELLENT grades she gets

How absolutely beautiful she is

How she can forgive the meanest person who has done the most awful thing to her

How she has an awesome sense of humor

How she is accepting for all people, red and yellow, black and white

She is a good kid who tells me she loves me every day.

Who could be angry about that?