Nobody Hangs Hard Times On The Wall

 

I was introduced to a song recently by someone whom I respect immensely.  Love Is War by American Young is a good song.  There was one line that stood out to me.  It is only mentioned once in the whole song.

Nobody hangs hard times on the wall.

Think about it.

When you walk into someone’s home, look around.  You are surrounded by smiling faces.  Wedding pictures.  New born babies.  Family reunions.  Artwork telling us to live, laugh and love.  Those moments caught on film that capture the perfectness of the day.  They are meant to stir feelings.  To show the world we are happy.

Nobody hangs hard times on the wall.

How would you feel or what would you think if you walked into someone’s house and there were just empty picture frames hanging there?  Or what if there were frames and the pictures were of people crying or sad?

I think sometimes we, or at least I, forget that hard times, make the good times that much better.  I think we, as a society, are too quick to walk away from those who we feel have wronged us.  Instead of sticking it out and working through it.  I think, personally, that we are moving toward a disposable world, and that we are applying that to human beings as well.

Sometimes love is a white flag
Sometimes love is standing tall
Sometimes love is a feather
Sometimes a cannon ball
But it's worth fighting for
Baby, sometimes love is war

My mom and I were having a conversation on a recent visit and I was talking about how there are so many things that I love about my husband and there are a handful that drive me crazy.  And she pointed out, as only a mother can do, that it is that way in EVERY relationship.  Marriage, friendship, co-workers. 

We have to make a choice.

If I only reach out to you when times are good, then, by my actions, I tell you that I only love you when things are good.  But If I reach out to you in the middle of your war, I hope the message I am sending is that you are THAT important to me.

So from this point forward – I choose war.

Because you are worth fighting for.

Today I Am Mad

Being a parent means dong what you think is best for the child during all phases of their journey into adulthood.

Being a parent of a special needs person means hoping that you are doing what’s best for your child even when they are an adult.

When Scott and I began our journey into Asperger’s Syndrome we were told by countless doctors and therapists and friends that we should try to make her act and be as much as society’s definition of normal is.  So we started working with her and drilling it into her head to be normal:

Don’t flap your hands Courtney – normal people don’t do that.

She now cracks her knuckles so bad that I am positive she is going to have arthritis by the time she is 30.

Don’t dress in jeans and t-shirts Courtney – normal girls wear dresses, boots, sweaters – girlie things.

She now will not wear a dress if you paid her cold hard cash.

Learn to drive Courtney – all the people your age have their licenses.

She has tried.  She is scared.  She cannot do it.

And so it has been for all of her life.  Do this.  Don’t do that.

And we wonder why the child is so frustrated, has low self-esteem and can’t move forward in life.

We were just trying to follow doctor’s orders.

Today, I read a blog from a mom of a boy with Asperger’s Syndrome, who is an adult now.  She wrote that while he was growing up they let him be different.  If for his birthday, he wanted to tour the Microsoft office, they found a way to make it happen – even if all the other kids his age were having birthday parties at skateboard parks.

That blog made me mad.

Not at the mom who wrote it. 

At myself.

Why didn’t I do that?  Why didn’t I just let her be who she is?  Would she be more confident today?  Would her self-esteem be so high that nothing could hold her back?

I was really good at fighting for her.  At making sure she was treated fairly.  At telling her that just because you have Asperger’s Syndrome doesn’t mean you can’t do anything you want to do. 

I guess I just wasn’t good at letting her be her.

And I know that she is going to accomplish great things, just at a slower pace.  And I know that I did the best I could with the resources we had.  And I know that hind sight is 20/20.

But today…

Today I Am Mad

And I Can't Change. Even If I Tried. Even If I Wanted To!

I grew up in a family that taught me that everything was okay!  It was okay that you were a different color than me.  It was okay that a woman was doing a job that was considered a man's job, or even vice versa.  It was okay to be a different religion than me.  It was even okay for a man to love a man and for a woman to love a woman.

When I was in third grade I thought that I was gay cause I could draw, my uncle was and I kept my room straight.  I told my mom, tears rushing down my face.  She's like "Ben, you've loved girls since before Pre-K!  A pre-conceived idea of what it all meant for those that like the same sex had the characteristics.
I grew up in a church that taught me that everything was okay!  It was okay that you were a different color than me.  It was okay that a woman was doing a job that was considered a man's job, or even vice versa.  It was okay to be a different religion than me.  It was even okay for a man to love a man and for a woman to love a woman.

And I can't change.  Even if I tried.  Even if I wanted to.

I realize, now, that I grew up in a different kind of family.  That not all families are accepting of each other.

We've become so numb to what we are saying.  Our culture, founded from oppression, yet we don't have acceptance for them.  Call each other faggots (or other names) behind the keys of a message board.

And that makes me sad.

It's sad that a person has to move to another state so she is free to love whom she chooses without the disappointing glare of her family.

It's sad that someone would rather kill themselves than live another day being tormented at school.

It's sad, that in this day and age, we are arguing over equal rights for all people.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Love never fails.

Maybe, just maybe, if we all took the time to show a little love to each other, no mater what our beliefs are, we just might be better people.

I don't care if you are a purple gay man who wants to be a woman, if you treat me nice, that's all that matters to me!

A Graduation Letter to My Daughter

Dear Courtney:

I wanted to take a moment to tell you some things that you need to hear, that I don’t always say out loud. 

I wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids, so when we found out I was pregnant with you, needless to say, it was a surprise!

When I found out I was having a girl, I was worried that your dad and you wouldn’t bond.  I prayed every night that when you were born that Dad would fall in love with you as much as I already did.  I don’t know what I was worried about…the minute you were born, you had him wrapped around your little finger.  And truth be told, you still do!

You were a pretty baby and toddler and everywhere we went, people would talk to you and comment to me how pretty you were.  People always felt compelled to touch you, which wigged me out, but you obviously didn’t die because they did!

I learned early on that you loved music as much as me, so we spent time listening to music a lot.  It calmed you down, it made you smile and you were just so stinkin cute when music was playing!  I love that you would rather listen to music today than watch TV.  However, when you listen to it so loud you can hear it while showering or blow drying your hair that tends to make me a little cranky.  But I bet if you asked Granny and Granddad if I did the same thing, I am sure they would tell you I did!

School proved to be a rough go for you from the very beginning, although most of your teachers fell in love with you.  It must have been hard to think in a different way than your classmates.  It must have been hard to try to fit into a world that moves to a tune so different than the one that plays for you.  But I want you to know that I know it was so very hard for you.  And I know that on some days the very best you could do was to just get out of bed.  I also know that you hated me the days I made you go to school when you were begging me to stay home.  I have been there and seen first-hand people roll their eyes or start to whisper when you walked into the room.  I also know that even though you didn’t act like you were aware of it, you were.  I want you to understand that if I didn’t make you go, then all those people who were mean to you would win and I wanted you to win.  It was SO HARD for me to force the issue.  What I really wanted to do was just let you stay home where it was safe.  If I had my way, I would have kept you home where no one could hurt you anymore.  But what would that have taught you?  You needed to learn that there are mean people in this world and how to deal with them.  You needed to learn that there are kind people in the world too, and how to be like them.  You needed to learn that no matter how people treat you, you are still responsible for carrying on with your day.  You needed to learn that people come in all different colors and shapes, but what really matters is how they treat you and other people, not the way that they look.  You needed to learn that no matter what happens today, the sun is still going to come up tomorrow and you are expected to be an active participant.

And do you know what you accomplished?

You proved to everyone that no one could keep you down.  Not the meanest of kids.  Not the teachers who didn’t think you would amount to anything.  Not anyone.  You are graduating an entire year early.  You buckled down and got through a situation (a 12 year situation) that made you less than comfortable and finished early.  Your Dad and I are so proud of you.

But the main thing you need to know is that life isn’t always this hard.  It will still be hard, but not every day and not so ruthless.  And you learned that you can rise above and come out better on the other side.

I love you so much!  And I would do it all again.  I would seek out the best doctors.  I would seek out the best schools for your style.  I would storm the gates of the schools to make sure that you were treated fairly and kindly.  To see the person you have become warms my heart.  And I know, as only a mother can know, that you are gonna do great in whatever you decide to “do” with your life.  I think it is a great choice to want to be a teacher.  Just think what you can teach those kid…how to be kind, how to appreciate a good book, how science is interesting and how you have to pass your math class even though chances are you are not going to use it in your everyday life!

I could not be any more proud of you!

Love,

Mom

 

 

Hello, Friend, It's Been A While

It has been over a year since I have posted here. A lot has happened in a year, and I will catch you up at another time. But today I am compelled to write.

Write about a subject that might not interest a lot of you, but about a subject that is important. 

Important to me. Important to my family. Important to others that I have never met.

What happened this past Friday, the shooting in Newtown, CT, is tragic. My heart just breaks for the families. I cannot watch the footage without crying. I cried all through the President's speech last night.

But the media just pisses me off.

I am sorry, but they do.

Obviously, the man who committed this crime had issues. One of those issues, according to people who were interviewed by the press, was Asperger's Syndrome. Asperger's Syndrome is Neuro-biological Disorder that affects (the stats constantly changing) 1 in 50 people. The majority of those people are boys, but there are girls. This disorder (mostly) affects the way that people interact socially with others. Most people with the disorder are super smart, but have issues knowing how to have a conversation with someone in their peer group. It also affects each person differently. The most famous quote regarding this syndrome, is "show me a room with 50 people with Asperger's Syndrome, and I will show you a room with 50 of the most different people that you will meet." A lot of times, Asperger's Syndrome "comes" with something else. ADD/ADHD is common. Depression is common. Also are other genetic disorders.

How do I know all of this? My daughter has Asperger's Syndrome. She also has had a complete genetic screening and has something called Rubinstein's Taby Syndrome, which is a chromosome disorder.

Last night, watching 60 Minutes, and they interviewed a family friend of the killer's mother that said the man had Asperger's Syndrome and was such a problem to his mother, having to be home schooled. They interviewed a a former school mate of the man who said he was just different, explaining that he carried a brief case to school and was embarrassed to talk in front of the class, so people just left him alone. 60 Minutes did not offer one "expert" on Aspererger's to come on the show. They did show (briefly) a letter that stated most people with Asperger's are bullied not aggressive. I could not see where the letter was from, but I really think that a doctor should have been interviewed as well.

The media is reporting that this man committed this awful event because he had Asperger's Syndrome - and it just isn't true. This man committed this awful event because he has some sort of mental illness ALONG with his Asperger's Syndrome. Shame on the media for reporting things that are untrue and not researched.

My daughter just did a presentation at school about having Asperger's Syndrome and how she is still just like everyone else, with the same wants and desires. When she goes back to school after break, is she going to be lumped into the preconceived notion that she is going to be the next mass murderer? Are parents going to make their children stay away from her? Are teachers going to be looking for "signs" that she is going to snap?

The damage that I have to undo due to the media and their false reporting is ridiculous. Just ridiculous.

  If they would just take the time to do some research and get the story right the first time.

Christmas Present

This year we celebrated Christmas with our best friends, The Tyldesleys. They have three kids under the age of 7 and when we walked through the door, it was ON!

We played football video games, we shot Nerf guns over the catwalk and we played with princess dress up clothes.

We ate homemade sugar cookies with frosting and sprinkles BEFORE dinner!

The house was loud and messy and, in all ways, it was perfect!

Our Christmas at home was low key and sweet.

Our Christmas with our friends was loud, messy and fun.

And when we got home, Scott and I enjoyed the silence of our home, with our kid nose deep in her new Kindle reading.

It is funny, to me, how two families, who really have a differnet kind of life than the other, can come together and appreciate what each other has and enjoy each other so much!

This year's Christmas was perfect!

In every way!

Christmas Future

When I was pregnant with Courtney I made the rule that my family would not travel at Christmas. I did not want her worrying that Santa would not be able to find her. I also did not want to pack everything in a car or on a plane and travel with a small child. So, I told family and friends that while we would not travel, our home is open to any and everyone who wants to come to us. Scott and I will do the cooking and the cleaning; all they have to do is come.

After her very first Christmas, where she received WAY too many gifts, Scott and I decided that we would only get her three things. After all, Jesus only received 3 gifts, and she certainly isn’t any better than Jesus.

And we have stuck to that rule every year since.

She is 15 now, and Christmas lasts about 15 minutes in our house. Maybe 20. When you only get a limited amount of gifts, it is hard to stretch the morning out and make Christmas last.

This now has me thinking about traveling at Christmas.

I think, maybe, that next year we will rent a cabin in the mountains and do our Christmas there. Or maybe rent a condo in Florida and have Christmas on the beach. Maybe it is time for this family to experience Christmas outside of this house. Of course, this is in my head and I have not run this by Scott, so who knows…

Christmas Future….

I wonder what it will hold for us

Christmas Past

While we were decorating for Christmas today, Scott asked Courtney and I what our favorite Christmas memory was.

Courtney wasn't sure. True to form, her favorite memory is the most recent. Not that she doesn't remember fondly on things that have happened, she just can't wrap her mind around the whole concept of looking back father than an year, so she goes with what she knows.

Scott's favorite memory was from Christmas 1989. He had just finished boot camp and was going home for the first time since he joined the military. Home was Valdosta, GA. For those of you who do not know where that is, it is just over the Florida border. He had two wishes that year; To be home for Christmas. And snow. Now, the chances of getting snow in Valdosta is SLIM. But that year he got snow. And not just the snow that came out of the sky and melted when it hit the ground, but the snow that stuck and could have snowballs made out of it.

I have many favorite memories. Like how every Christmas morning we got up, opened presents and then when to my Aunt Deanna's house for brunch. Or the year Courtney was 5 years old and she wanted cow girl boots. Santa brought her red ones, and she wore them all day with her pajamas. Or how we were all set to decorate when we were living in Key West and it was too hot to get in the decorating spirit so we walked down to Duval Street. I was pregnant and wearing a sundress in December.

So clearly, for this family, it is not the gift that makes the holiday or the memory special.

It is snow.

It is brunch.

It is staying in your pajamas all day.

It is family.

What is your favorite memory of Christmas past?

Dreams

I don't dream.

Let me clarify that...if I do dream it is SELDOM that I remember them.

And I don't dream in color, everything is in black and white.

Monday night I dreamt A LOT. They were short dreams and I would wake up after each one, look at the clock to see how much time I had before I had to get up, fall back to sleep and go right back into another dream.

Crazy.

The last dream I had really bothered me. I dreamt that my best friend, Diana Kelly-Miller, had a baby boy (which she does, he is just in 1st grade, not a baby). I was at his Christening, which was at my home church (which is crazy, because she is Catholic and we aren't). I was carrying him and dropped him down the side of the wall at the back of the church and bloodied his face pretty good. He was crying when I picked him up and then I woke up.

It was 4:00am and I refused to go back to sleep after that. I really, really bothered me.

I haven't slept well since then because I am afraid that I am going to have that dream again.

SO this morning, I did some research on dreams through the wonderful world of GOOGLE. This is what came back on my search:

To dream of a crying baby symbolizes a part of yourself that is deprived of attention and needs to be nurtured. Alternatively, it represents your unfulfilled goals and a sense of lacking in your life. If you dream that a baby is neglected, then it suggests that you are not paying enough attention to yourself. You are not utilizing your full potential. Alternatively, this dream could represent your fears about your own children and your ability to protect and to provide for them.

Oh....that clears it up!

Anybody who knows me, knows that I do not need to be nurtured, I can take care of myself. So we can rule out that.

Unfulfilled goals and lacking in my life...um....what? I have a husband, kid, house and job. That is more than a lot of people. So no...not that.

This dream just makes no sense to me. I wouldn't hurt a kid on the face of this earth and I would never drop them down a wall.

I just don't know why I cannot let this go.

All I know is I am tired and want to sleep, I am just afraid of what will happen when I do.

I liked it better when I didn't dream, or at least, didn't remember them!

Nana

Her birthday was Monday, October 16th. She turned 93.

93! That's a long time to walk the face of this earth!

She grew up singing on the radio with her two sisters. Her daddy was a preacher and I remember every get together we had growing up, someone would play the piano (I think Aunt Jeanette)and old hymns would be sung. That is the reason I prefer the old hymns to today's more popular music.

She had 2 kids - both girls, 7 grand kids - 6 boys and 1 girl and 9 great-grand kids - 5 boys and 4 girls.

She was a bank teller when I was growing up. My mom took me to her bank on Halloween on year and everyone at the bank had dressed up. There was a co-worker dressed up as a big Indian Chief and I remember he scared me. She thought that was funny.

She wanted to teach my brother how to roller skate. There they were, both on skates, skating down Whiting Avenue. Their skates got tangled up and they both fell. She damaged her elbow pretty bad.

When she would sit down next to me at church, she would pat my leg in a certain rhythm. She told me they were love pats!

She always had gum in her purse.

When I was older and living on my own, there was a time that I would go to dinner with her once a week. It used to drive her crazy that I would park in front of the fire hydrant outside her apartment. She just knew I was going to get a ticket.

She outlived two husbands; My granddaddy - they were nuts about each other and her and a nice man named Desmond.

She died today.

My parents and my aunt were there with her.

The last several years have been hard with Dementia stealing her mind.

And when she got to Heaven this afternoon, I know she was greeted by Granddaddy, her sisters and my Uncle Wayne.

And I am sure that there is singing and dancing and no pain.

And I hope she tells Granddaddy that I named my daughter after him.

And I hope she looks down on me everyday and that she is proud of the person that I grew up to be. And that she knows that she helped make me that person.

And I hope she knows, without any doubt, that she was a great Nana and that I loved her very much

Enjoy Heaven, Nana! You deserve it!

25 Year Later

When I was in high school, it was a big social place for me. I was always disappointed at the end of the day because I had to go home - don't get me wrong, my home life was not bad AT ALL - it is just that my friends didn't live in the same house with me.

School was a time to visit, joke around and goof off. I did my school work, and my grades were good, I graduated with a 3.5 GPA (they were good if you don't count my first quarter as a freshman where I failed English and had to work my butt off to get my grade back up and was grounded for the whole rest of the semester - even from talking on the phone. Hello! Have you met me? I am on the phone CONSTANTLY even now).

When it was time to prepare for college, I knew I wanted to be an interpreter for the deaf. I also knew that I wanted to interpret in the court system, which would require extra classes. All of my classes were at night, so I worked as a receptionist during the day, and went to school at night Monday thru Thursday. (I also went out with friends on Friday and Saturday.) (You should probably note that this is also the time I got mono for doing too much all the time, and was really sick and my mom made me "cut back" on the going out on the weekends so much.)

After a couple of years I graduated and instead of taking my legal classes that I needed to take to be able to interpret in the courts, I just continued working my office job. Twenty five years later....I am still working an office job. Right now it is in the telecom industry. (Because, you know, deaf people use the phone so much and interpreting over the phone is in high demand!)

I look back on my high school days and I think of all the plans I had for myself back then and what I was going to do. Then I look at my life right now, and it is SO different.

Do you think anyone ever thinks to themselves in high school, I am going to pay to go to school, not use my degree, get a job that I can't advance in and then retire.

Not so much.

If I could just talk to that 18 year old girl and talk some sense into her...

But I can't.

So I will just work the rest of my life and probably die at my desk.

And my headstone should read...Here lies Melissa...I hope there are telephones in Heaven because that is all she enjoys doing.

And I hope Jesus like coffee. I make a mean pot of coffee!

A Post That Won't Mean Anything To Anyone

I know I talk a lot on here about Autism.

It is because it consumes our life all the time...and lately it has been consuming us more than we would like.

Courtney,in case you don't know, has Asperger's Syndrome. While she is super smart, she struggles socially. Really struggles. And the older she gets, the more she struggles. And the more she struggles, the less I can help. And it is killing me.

She is 15. This is a hard age for any girl on the face of this planet. I look back on when I was this age and THANK GOD that I no longer am. However, over the last year, Courtney has really started realize (and this is a pretty big step for her) that she is different...and she is not coping well with it. *I should also note that it didn't help that we decided to change her meds during all of this, which started off as an EPIC FAIL, but the doctor got us back on track like 5 days before school started...so it was a ROUGH summer*

But while she has been realizing things, Scott and I have been coming to realizations of out own. We see all of our friends and their kids and we realized this summer that she won't be going to the Homecoming Dance, she won't be driving a car any time soon, she won't be going to football games with a bunch of friends. And to see all of the posts on Facebook really makes brings it home.

She is seeing her friends and family members getting their permits to drive. She asked how old you have to be to get a permit. I told her she had to be 15 and she had to have it for one year and one day before she could take the driving test. She asked me why she can't get a permit. I told her because she wasn't ready and that I wasn't saying no...I was saying not now.

You should have seen the look on her face. It broke my heart.

She didn't argue with me...she just didn't talk about it anymore.

I chose to believe that one day, she will leave home, live on her own, come over for Sunday dinner and to do laundry.

Her doctors tell us we need to start preparing her for that transition now. I tell them that I would like to get through the school year successfully.

They just smile that all knowing smile.

I swear, if I was her, I would not leave the house sometimes. But she gets up every day and tries again.

And because she does, so do we.

Making Memories

There is a song out on the radio right now called Just Fishin by Trace Adkins. It talks about a dad out with his 6 year old daughter fishing...and while SHE thinks they are just fishing, he is banking this day in his memory.

It reminds me a lot of Scott and Courtney. I remember when we lived in Key West, he would take her to fly kites. She was in a stroller and he was out with his kid flying kites. When we moved to Georgia, he would, and still does, take her fishing. She had a pink Scooby Doo fishing pole and they would fish and chat about life.

It makes me realize that when she was 3 or 4, and we were trying to get her diaganosed, trying to figure out what was wrong, I thought she was so hard. I look at her now, at her 15 year old attitude, and wish for my 4 year old again. For the child who was happy to go fishing or for ice cream. To read Go Dog, Go! and Are You My Mother?

School started Monday. I remmber her first day of school like it was yesterday. She didn't weigh 25lbs and the school had to get her a special desk and chair. She is a sophmore now. Her freshman year was SO hard on her. People were so mean to her. When Scott pulled into the parking lot on the first day, she looked out the window and said "Dad...I am really nervous."

But she has come home the last couple of days with a smile on her face. Scott asked me how long I thought this honeymoon period would last. He is giving it two weeks. I am praying for the entire school year.

I hope she looks back fondly on the time that Scott spent with her when she was little...

I know he does!

I’m lost in her there holdin’ that pink rod and reel
She’s doin’ almost everything but sittin’ still
Talkin’ ‘bout her ballet shoes and training wheels
And her kittens
And she thinks we’re just fishin’
And she thinks we’re just fishin’ on the riverside
Throwin’ back what we could fry
Drownin’ worms and killin’ time
Nothin’ too ambitious
She ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout
What’s really goin’ on right now
But I guarantee this memory’s a big’in
And she thinks we’re just fishin’

A Vacation Recap.

This past week was spent in Florida vacationing on the beach.

Usually, we split the cost of renting a condo with Scott's parents. This year, we rented our own. Scott's younger brother, Brandon, stayed with us and Scott's parents, along with his Aunt Carol and Uncle Dave, rented the condo directly below us.

We arrived on Saturday afternoon. Aunt Carol and Uncle Dave landed from Chicago around the same exact time. Scott has another aunt, Faye, that lives in the area that we were staying, along with her children and their families.

Saturday night we all went to dinner at The Thirsty Marlin where the conch fritters were just about as good as Key West and the lobster quesadilla was too yummy! Scott's cousin, Tyler, ordered the all you can eat crab, and I think that Scott "helped" with the all you can eat part!

Sunday Scott's cousin. Trish, and her husband, Alex, had all of us over for a big BBQ and the food was delicious. Alex smoked chicken wings and a beef butt that melted in your mouth. Sunday night all of the boys fished off of the pier until late into the night.

Monday was finally spent on the beach! The sun was out and the water was warm!! We swam with two schools of stingrays. Each school had about eight stingrays and they swam all around us!!! All of us spent the entire day either by the pool or in the ocean. Monday night, Scott and I went out by ourselves to a little pub we like to go to when we are in town. We got home in enough time to watch the sun set and took a walk on the beach.

Tuesday, while eating breakfast on the balcony, we watched two dolphins swim pretty close to shore. We spent the entire day on the beach and decided that if we win the lottery, we are moving down on the beach. Tuesday night we went to dinner with Scott's grandpa whose wife just passed away. Also at the dinner was Grandma's two sisters and their families. It has been two years since I was able to visit with this side of the family, as I was not able to attend Grandma's memorial service. It amazes me how two years doesn't seem like a long time until you see how much people have aged during that time. I hope that another two years does not pass without visiting with these aunts and uncles again. Scott's grandpa came back to our condo for coffee and really seemed to enjoy himself.

Wednesday, Scott and I took two chairs and planted them in the surf. That is where our butts stayed for the entire day. It was VERY hot and being in the water with the ocean breeze made things so much better. That night we went to dinner with Scott's dad's cousin, Susan and her husband John. Afterwards, they came back to the condo to swim and Scott and Brandon took Grandpa fishing. I stayed behind and texted them the score of the Tampa Bay Rays game. While they didn't catch anything, they had a good time just being together.

Thursday, I woke up looking like Mush Mouth from the Fat Albert cartoon, as my lips were swollen and burned. I decided to take a break from the sun. Everyone came to our condo for lunch then we went to John's Pass to do some touristy shopping. We grabbed some ice cream as well. That night we all went to dinner to Grandpa's favorite restaurant, Leverocks. Grandpa had us back to his house for KEY LIME PIE!He makes the best pie, and even though I protested, I had to share it with everyone. We spent the evening looking through old family photos. There was a story that went along with each photo. A lot of laughter and a few tears were shed. Memories, while they are good to have, can be painful for a man who lost the only woman he ever kissed and spent the last 67 years married to. Hopefully, time will make it easier for him, but I just don't see how a heart as broken as his can ever be whole again. I try to force myself to remember that we will all be reunited with our loved one at Heaven's Gate...but that seems too far away.

Friday, we spent our last day on the beach. Brandon flew his kites. Courtney looked for sand dollars, but couldn't find any. That night for dinner we went to GiGi's Pizzeria. This is a place that Scott's parents started going to in 1969, and I am pretty sure the decor hasn't changed since then. The pizza was fabulous and it was a great way to spend our last night as a family!

Saturday we said our goodbyes and got on the road. We picked the dogs up from the kennel, and Oliver spent the entire ride home rotating between all of our laps.

As vacations go, this will go down as one of my favorites. The nightly stories of Scott growing up in Chicago has made us start making plans for our vacation next year. I think, after 18 years of marriage, it is time to go see where he grew up. It is time to be introduced to Chicago pizza, a cubs game and a hot dog from a street vendor. Time to see the Sears Tower, Navy Pier and the Brookfield Zoo.

It is time to revisit those memories and to start making new ones!

Parent Handbook, Page 3

When I was growing up, my parents did not MAKE Jeff and I get a job. As long as our grades were good, they really did give us the money we needed for everything...going out with friends...clothes...everything.

However, that did not mean that my dad would not give us a guilt trip every time we asked for money.

When we asked for a few bucks, he would tell us to bring him his wallet. He would give us cash, and as we were thanking him, he would say "I will just go out to where the money tree grows and get some more." Every time!

Last week in our weekly sales meeting, the sales people were talking to the president of the company about offering an incentive for customers to order from us. A CASH incentive. Paul, the president, just sat there listening to every one's ideas. When there was a lull in conversation, a sales person used that opportunity to ask Paul what he thought. He said...

"I will just go out to where the money tree grows and get this for all of you."

I was taking a drink of water at that point, and it was all I could do NOT to spit it across the table.

I told him he just channeled my dad. He informed me that ALL dads use that phrase. That it is in the Parent Handbook.

Kinda made me miss being young...

Really made me miss my dad!

Deliver The Letter The Sooner The Better

When I was young, my mother enrolled my brother and I in some music class called Yamaha. The teacher was named Miss Barbara, I think. It was at her house and she lived in Orange. Later, when we were older, Jeff took guitar lessons from her. Her window in the room where she gave the lessons was the type that you couldn't see out of it, but you could see in it, so when we were waiting outside for Jeff to finish his lesson, we could see them and what they were doing. I thought that was a pretty cool window.

One night after our lessons, we stopped for dinner at a Mexican restaurant. On the radio was the song...that I don't know what the exact title is, but it goes...Stop! Wait a minute, Mr Postman. Apprently, I was singing along and was being too loud because my mom had to tell me to be quiet.

Whenever I hear that song, I go right back to that restaurant.

Whenever I am in town and we drive by where that restaurant was, I go right back to that day, singing the song, and mom hushing me.

And both of those things make me smile!

Eat Fresh

Dear Family That Was Ahead of Me at Subway Last Night:

I know you have been here before, because all of you knew what kind of sandwich you wanted. You knew what kind of bread you wanted and if you wanted it toasted or not.

However, you did leave me a little baffled over a couple of things:

1. Chips. The chips are placed at the beginning of the line that you got into to place your order. They are also placed all along the glass where you are having your sandwich built. They are there for you to grab. So WHY didn't you grab them when you were in line? WHY did you have to walk back over my feet to get your chips?

2. Condiments and Fixins. You know they are going to ask you what you want on your sandwich. So WHY did you act surprised when they did? And then you, all three of you, stood there and stared at the fixins like you have never seen lettuce and tomato before. REALLY? You should know how you like your sandwich and should be able to tell the employee what you want on it. You also should be able to do this quickly. It is a fast food restaurant. Hurry up!

3. Paying. If you are going to go into any establishment, whether it be a restaurant or any other retail chain that takes credit cards, you should always know just how much you have on your pre-paid credit card. There is no excuse for you to get to the end of the line and hand her your card, tell her you don't know how much is on there and then, when it is declined, act shocked. Also, if you don't know how much is on the card, have a back up plan. But to just walk away from three sandwiches that took 30 minutes to make absolutely baffles me. did you know that the establishment had to THROW YOUR FOOD AWAY? What a waste!

On a side note, you should tell your daughter that super short shorts and a tiny tank top makes her look trampy, not sexy. Just sayin...

Good God, I hope that was your daughter.....*shudders*

Stuck A Feather In His Hat And Called It Macaroni

I swear on all that is holy, we are the only family that budgets for the 4th of July holiday.

Scott, and his two brothers, Rick and Brandon, are all pyro-maniacs. All. Three. Of. Them.

So, while Brandon was visiting last week, Scott and him made a trip to South Carolina to buy fireworks. Not just any fireworks, fireworks that are loud and colorful and expensive. But while they were shopping, they were told there was going to be a sale in a couple of days, so they put everything back. Scott and Courtney made the same trip this past Thursday and bought the supplies.

I don't know how much money was spent, nor do I want to. This is Scott's thing. I knew it when I married him. It's not going to change. So I just go with it.

Saturday morning we got up and made the 4 hour journey to his parents house. Scott's Grandpa made the 4 hour journey from Florida. Scott's brother, Rick made the 2 hour journey from Jacksonville.

I can count on one hand how many times, in the 18 years I have been married to Scott, I have been around Rick and his family.

Rick is the eldest of all the boys. He was in the Navy like his grandfathers before him. He is the quietest of all the boys, but don't count him out of the mischief that the other two seem to find. He is right there with them!

His eldest son, Philip, is 19 and has the most gentle soul. Super nice. He is also my God Son! His dad and uncles introduced him to the whole firework thing this weekend and they now consider him a true man.

His middle child is 7 months younger than Courtney. Her name is Christina. Both of the girls are named after their dad's sister who died shortly after birth. Christina is half Filipino half American. At 14, she is strikingly pretty and tall. But she is just as smart as she is pretty!

His youngest child is Michelle. This one is 6 years old and commands attention when she walks into a room. She has a passion for Oreos and Vera Bradley purses. She has super curly hair and doesn't like to be hot, which is hard not to be in July in Georgia.

Saturday night was spent talking and getting acquainted with everyone. This is the first time that Ray and Judy had all of their sons and their families together in something like 6 years. There were a total of 6 dogs - A blood hound, husky, lab, dachshund, dachshund/beagle mix and a chihuahua mix. There was a lot of arguments between the 6 of them as to who was the leader. Surprisingly, the chihuauha won most of the battles!

Sunday was spent waiting for the sun to go down so the guys could do their "show". Mid afternoon I took the two older girls to the movies to kill some time. Judy made a ton of food and homemade chocolate pie. FINALLY the sun set and the show started. Luckily, we did not have to take anyone to the hospital and everyone left with 10 fingers and 10 toes.

Monday morning, Judy made a big breakfast and sent all of us home. I am sure the house seemed empty and quiet after we all left. and I know for a fact that plans are being made to meet up and do it again.

Family - it doesn't matter how long it has been since you have seen each other - it matters what you do when you do see each other.

For this family, it is blowing things up, setting things on fire, eating too much, talking too loud and over each other and laughing very hard!!

And then making plans to do it again!

I Want To Be Loved Like That

Every Tuesday night I work at Weight Watchers.

It is in a shopping center that has a hobby store, a hair studio and a couple of restaurants.

Every Tuesday night, as I am getting my computer turned on and our meeting opened, I see a little old man pull into the same parking space. He gets out and walks around to the passenger side and opens the door for a little old lady. He is always in dress slacks and a pressed shirt. She is always in a dress. The walk together, holding hands, to the all you can eat southern buffet.

Every Tuesday night.

I imagine that they share a meal, as neither one of them are big people, but I don't know that.

I never see them leave, because I am knee deep in my job at that time, but I imagine that they shared a piece of pie and had a cup of coffee.

I love to watch them walk to the restaurant. I love the fact that he still holds her hand. It might be to keep each other from falling,but I choose to believe it is because he loves her and she loves him.

I hope when I am their age that Scott will still take me out and hold my hand.

And I hope we share a piece of pie.

And I hope we look just like that couple on Tuesday nights!

18 Years And Counting

Scott and I celebrated our 18th Wedding Anniversary on June 19th.

18 Years.

That sounds like such a long time, but if I really think about it, it doesn't seem like that long at all. But things have certainly changed over the years.

Like when we first started dating, we used to love to go eat at The Sizzler (a California restaurant chain). Now we prefer non chain places that no one has ever heard of, but that the owners come to our table and chat for a few minutes.

Friday nights used to be come home from work, change clothes and go out. Stay out super late and sleep half of the day away on Saturday. Now Friday night, we order pizza, watch a movie and fall asleep in the chair.

Home cooked meals used to be hot dogs and mac and cheese. Now it is a variety of meals that invlove way more than two steps. (But we still do an old school throw back of hot dogs every now and then.)

Bed time consisted of being wrapped up in the sheets and each other. His breath on my neck. Now it is a bigger bed, with way more expensive sheets and a dog somewhere in between us.

But there is plenty that hasn't changed.

Like when I am gone all day and pull into the driveway to see him stop and smile at me when I walk in.

How I don't have to even open my eyes or say a word and he knows when to pull me close and we fall right back to sleep together...sometimes only for 20 minutes.

How I can't even IMAGINE what life would be like if I wasn't with him and, truth be told, I can't remember what it was like before him.

18 years ago I thought I married the best man on the face of the earth, but I was wrong.

He just keeps getting better and better. I can't wait to see what the next 18 years brings me!