Being a parent means dong what you think is best for the
child during all phases of their journey into adulthood.
Being a parent of a special needs person means hoping that
you are doing what’s best for your child even when they are an adult.
When Scott and I began our journey into Asperger’s Syndrome
we were told by countless doctors and therapists and friends that we should try
to make her act and be as much as society’s definition of normal is. So we started working with her and drilling
it into her head to be normal:
Don’t flap your hands Courtney – normal people don’t do
that.
She now cracks her knuckles so bad that I am positive she is
going to have arthritis by the time she is 30.
Don’t dress in jeans and t-shirts Courtney – normal girls
wear dresses, boots, sweaters – girlie things.
She now will not wear a dress if you paid her cold hard
cash.
Learn to drive Courtney – all the people your age have their
licenses.
She has tried. She is
scared. She cannot do it.
And so it has been for all of her life. Do this.
Don’t do that.
And we wonder why the child is so frustrated, has low self-esteem
and can’t move forward in life.
We were just trying to follow doctor’s orders.
Today, I read a blog from a mom of a boy with Asperger’s
Syndrome, who is an adult now. She wrote
that while he was growing up they let him be different. If for his birthday, he wanted to tour the
Microsoft office, they found a way to make it happen – even if all the other
kids his age were having birthday parties at skateboard parks.
That blog made me mad.
Not at the mom who wrote it.
At myself.
Why didn’t I do that?
Why didn’t I just let her be who she is?
Would she be more confident today?
Would her self-esteem be so high that nothing could hold her back?
I was really good at fighting for her. At making sure she was treated fairly. At telling her that just because you have
Asperger’s Syndrome doesn’t mean you can’t do anything you want to do.
I guess I just wasn’t good at letting her be her.
And I know that she is going to accomplish great things,
just at a slower pace. And I know that I
did the best I could with the resources we had.
And I know that hind sight is 20/20.
But today…
Today I Am Mad
